Don't disappoint your progress.

**Don’t get too excited, FFS isn't Back… per se.

Something in my heart isn't ready to let it go, not too sure why, all i know its it is not time to let go... and as I embark on this new chapter in my life, i couldn't think of a better place to share this very special piece of my heart.

This pretty space has been my life line for the past 5 years, and so while I'm not sure what is going to happen to us here, in this space in the future, this is a peace of my heart. right here. right now.

An open letter to #Year25 Jesi Rae.

(Part I on DearJesiRae.com)**

... and in regard to your dreams, those wild and crazy dreams that make no sense. those dreams that poor Rachel has to her about in scattered bits and pieces throughout the day and into each night,

Chase them, All of them.

Every single one of them.

Knock on every door you see, no limitations, no hang ups, no fears.

You changed, and are different, and have a new foundation,

and that is ok. 

Because your dreams are an extension of Y O U, not your beliefs. 

Your past is a precious gem, it formed your soul, and built your character. &. Although you took a sharp right turn and beelined towards the forest, you are happy, and you are free; don't let this O N E thing about you that has changed, stop you from doing the things you have always wanted to do

(Yes, JG, we are touring together… at least once!… it’s happening.)

You know who you want to be [#GlamLife], you know what you want to do [for the most part.]

N O W is the time to do it.

NOW IS THE TIME TO DO IT!

N O W  I S  T H E  T I M E  T O  D O  I T ! ! ! 

because you have cowered down to the pressures of life and the ideals of success for too long!

You have lived inside of your head and although you claimed you were fearless, because you boldly declared your dreams, you are now on the other side of your foundation, deep in love with your new journey, with the courage to not only declare your dreams but fight and hold on unto you see them happen. - you now truly A R E fearless.

and as you sit thinking about the future, 

the fog doesn't scare you, and the blinding light excites you.

You have more power than you think.

Your life is yours to create, Trust the moment, and dive in!

Fun.Fab.SAVED!: A Swan song.

[The First "Brand Photo"]

I had no intention of sharing this. I planned to keep it off this pretty blog space and deep deep inside my cold tiny heart.

I had no intention of this ever being a thing, because honestly until now I didn't fully realize it was a thing.

I briefly mentioned it in a previous post, however here it is again.

I no longer identify as a christian.

and it's odd, because so much of, if not all of, everything I ever was and aspired to become was wrapped in the identity of faith. - every dream. every goal. every aspiration. every thought. every belief. every action was deeply rooted in my faith and my christianity. 

and truth be told, my future is a little cloudy without it; but it's not dark. My dreams are a little different, and I'm not sure of where I am going anymore, but I don't feel lost.

[first official Logo and banner. Thanks Jena. I love you forever wifey!]

There is not much I am sure of anymore but what I am sure of I am sure of.

and right now I am sure of one thing.

I cannot build a house on a dead foundation.

and guys let me tell you, the termites have chewed this foundation to rot.

and so I must say good bye.

I didn't think it would be a hard thing to do, but it is.

because I am saying goodbye, and not saying hello.

all my life in regards to my dreams I have always passed a baton, from one idea to the next.
and for the first time in my life I am running empty handed.

and as I run, I feel free. I feel alive. I feel love and I feel light.

and it's not a new feeling, but it's a different feeling.

[That time I wrote a book]

[and then on completely separate occasion I wrote another book]

So where does that leave me? and this blog? and..... us?

Well for me? Im still running, chasing, dreaming. as I will forever do.

this blog will remain active until nov 2015 but there will not be any more new content.

as for us...

[funfabsaved.blogspot.com - FIRST edition of the blog]

I love us. I cherish us. Us is the reason why I didn't want to make this a thing.

you made me strong. you helped me fight. you hugged me tight.

You've supported me. you've gleaned from me. you allowed me to learn from you.

You bring me so much joy.

and for everything you have done, I know I will never be able to repay. 

and I don't want to try. all I want to do in return for what you have given me is be the best verion of Jesi Rae I can possibly be. 

That will forever be my gift to you and to the world.

and that is why I must say good bye.
for now anyway.

The road is not ending though, it is just evolving.

The story not over, i'm just starting another book.

My heart isn't broken, it is strong. 

it is growing. expanding. exploding.

with love for you and excitement for my future. 

[As [fun, fab and saved] as it gets.]

and so,

To my fun and fabulous friends:

I cherish you. I will forever fondly remember this journey.

Thank You.

I Love You.

ever fun, ever fab, ever yours,

Jesi Rae

[Ryen Lynette Cooper for the real Og's]

Namaste.

[P.s: Follow me on twitter AND Instagram. *wink. hint*]

Oh My Gandhi...

I have not ever took a deeply vested interest in Mahatma Gandhi. I am fully aware of who he is, I'm just vaguely aware of what he did but somehow, my natural inclination is to quote him without my knowledge because yes, people, I am THAT insightful.

Over the past few weeks [Read: the entire year] I have immersed myself in all things William Washington James Haynes. I dove deep into the archive, unearthed some gems and have learned, studied and drowned in him. His artistry. His talent. His face. 

Those. God-Damn. Lips.

[How many times can I say things like “i wanna kiss him so badly on the mouth” & "enter me." before its considered harassment?] 

[Photo Cred: YogaRacheal.com || Instagram: @YogaRacheal || SHE IS FABULOUS! She is my Queen! Donate to her GoFundMe] [Enhance your body, enhance your mind.]

A significant part of Haynes life has been influenced by Mahatma Gandhi; From his politics, to his nose. Haynes does not shy away from exhorting his appreciation for this good man's legacy. Yet, throughout the corridors of his platforms you can hear the echo of 7 people. I don't know why it is only seven, but there are always 7 people. Probably the same 7 people that like to ‘remind’ Haynes that Gandhi was a racist, and teaching James Tiberius Haynes to hold him in such a high regard would be foolish; also Martin King was a communist for Soviet Russia. - Ok, not actually the last part but that is something I imagine The Big Seven would say.

It made me wonder though, WAS Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi ‘a racist, fascist, Hitler loving Perv’? 

[that is literally the title of an article I just read]

Then I pondered on why it even mattered.

Why is it so important for these character flaws to be exposed, [even] long after he has passed from this life?

Why must people be without flaw, in order to be looked up to, and/or held in high regard?

but I researched it anyway, And as one does, I went to the library.

I'm Just kidding. I can’t afford a library card.

Turns out, Mahatma Ghandi was not, after all, without flaw.

He lived as a human man for 78 years.

Yes, Gandhi did some not so nice things and said some not so nice words.

But he also did some very nice things and said some very nice words.

Which made me further wonder:

Why must we see others flaws before we grant them their humanity?

Namaste.

existential ramblings of a dead dreamer. + end of an Era.

Would I be the person I am today had my dreams come to fruition 2 years ago?

Absolutely not.

because the person I am today was born, sculpted and structured around the pain, and rejection and disappointment of my vigorously, tenacious and unfruitful dream chasing.

Is the person I am today, better that the person I once was?

It's hard to say, as i don't think i have really changed, just evolved.

its hard to say, as I'm not sure by whose standards I am living.

it's hard to say, as I'm not sure of anything anymore.

All I know is I liked me then and I like me now.

[Somewhere deep in the back woods of Alabama, lies my hope.]

Its a hard skin to shed, the one that you were born into, the one that molded who you are, created within you every though, action and desire, the one that cocooned you throughout your whole life.

as a person who was once such a devout christian, living fully and wholly in christ, having Jesus as the end all be all, it's an odd feeling to.... not anymore.

That was my identity, who I was through and through and now it is no longer me and I don't know who I am, but I know who I am not, and it is that girl. the girl I once was.

So the questions remain.

AM I better person now than I was before? by whose standards?

how many more times am I going to have to go through this?

changing. evolving. growing. shedding?

What is the end game here?

Namaste.

Everything is fluid, except your poop.

All experiences in life are fluid, they intertwine as life progresses, there are very few absolute truths.

Life as a whole is fragile, that is why holistic health is oh so important.

[Soy Candle obsession on Fleek]

When your body is out of sorts, your spirit is out of sorts and when your spirit is out of sorts, your mind is out of sorts.

So maybe you feel a little down today?

Because life isn't necessarily going your way.

Ask your self...

Do I need to poop?

Physically, you feel sluggish, and mentally you are unmotivated.

Ask your self...

Do I need to poop?

No one ever likes to talk about it, but I've lived it too many times not.

one of the simplest ways to a clear mind and wholly peaceful life is to breath intentionally, drink water and poop.

Everyday. Multiple times a day.

Namaste.

I wish my eyes could take pictures.

I wish my eyes took pictures. 

Because no apature or lenses will ever do it justice.

I wish my eyes took pictures.

So I can see the images painted in the Sky, above the clouds. Over and over again.

There is a whole other world up here and my soul is broken that, I can't live here. On the nimbus cloud. Away from the terrors that rest below. My feeble human braim cannot retain the magnitude of the glorious skies, and my heart weeps because I cannot recall the landscapes I once took in. So vididly and so recently.

I wish my eyes took pictures. 

so I can tangibly hold tightly what My soul undoubtably knows to be truth. there is something bigger out there and there is a life beyond our current. Forsaking all other details, this alone is what keeps me hopeful. This keeps my heart beating. This keeps me alive.

Namaste.

Year 24.

I have been 24 for exactly 30days.

and let me tell you this.

it feels like I have been 24 for -freaking-ever.

(at least 6 months)

and not nessicarily in a bad way. but definitely not in a pleasant way.

so much life and learning has been experienced since November the 3rd.

and yet, my life is still riddled with foggy ennui.

and while I am not certain of much, like when I will start working again? when I'll meet my male counterpart? will I ever build my micro home?

Is the south where I am destined to live?

ok, I'm not certain of anything: 

I have no clue how my life is playing forward.
as usual.

And I'm not happy about it.
Still.

What I am certain of is that my life is moving forward, and the woman that I want to be is the woman that I am becoming.

When all else fails, I know that I am becoming the person that I want to be.

And that's what my life is all about.
At least for now anyway.

Being, not doing. 

Arigato.

Trust your Anchor.

Yesterday started off offensively horrible.

like a murderous rage filled Jesi Rae roamed around daring someone to cross her, so she could pounce, strike, and lash out.

and it wasn't her own fault, or her own doing that made her so angry and so offended, often times its not her fault, and that fact alone makes the anger deeper and the rage hotter.

and yes, she is familiar with the old adage, "He who angers you, controls you' but for christ's sake..... someone times people just get to you and you feel feelings. She is human and she is better understanding that.

[Photo Credit: Solange Knowles via her Instagram via her 'honey our moon' *Swoon*]

After a few moment of venting, yoga and meditation of gratitude,  her day just got a little better. not necessarily as a direct result of the positive progressed action, but because life is just funny that way. This day didn't call for wallowing, and so she didn't. and just like that it moved on.

moved on to fun and friendship and peace and sanctuary and sabbath and productivity and food. It moved on to love and light and conversation and cocktails and creativity.

It moved on to assurance. to warmth. to conformation.

The day told sweet sweet Jesi Rae, that its ok. she doesn't know what she is doing and she doesn't know where she is heading and it. is. ok.

It affirmed to her, it whispered inside her busy little heart that her soul is anchored in something bigger.

these past years, of questions and tears and suicide attempts and just at the very bottom line, unadulterated misery, have created within her an anchor.

there is no more searching, there is no more wandering. there are far less questions.
there is only this moment and there is only my anchor. there is only trust.

Live in the present moment. experience is for all it has to offer.

Trust in your anchor. bask in the peace and protection it gives.

Namaste.

Better.

Be nice to people.

It doesn't cost you anything.

Speak kind words.

It doesn't cost you anything.

Social , philosophical, economical and theological constructs have us believing that because we are different we are in one way or another better than.... - this is a lie, a fabrication.

Understand my brothers and sister that we are all one. we are the same. we are all equal.

Sons and Daughters of Something bigger than ourselves.

Human Beings.

Given Life. with a charge to live it.

Our Differences are designed to enhance the experience of others. 

[not tear us apart and divine us from one another.]

[You know what it is: @thafourth. go follow]

So,

Be nice to people.

It does not cost you any one thing.

Speak kind words.

It does not cost you any one thing.

The Modest that is Hottest.

I have large breasts!

38 GGG or a 40 H to be exact.
[BTW, thats basically the same thing, but like whichever better helps you wrap your head around the reality that is my bra shopping struggle.]
they are 97% all natural, God given lady meat and like 3% weight gain/fluctuation.
I have been the black sheep of big boobs in my family my whole like and so I've had to wade through the tight, ill fitting victoria secrets bras and crew necks sweaters and button down shirts all alone, and I tell you this my friends.

It hasn't been pretty.

My pre teen and teen years were riddled with insecurity [and let's be honest that translated into a little bit of ratchet behavior]. I had no guidance and I was subscribed to a one dimensional dress code of conduct. [Read: Modest].

[Photo Cred: YogaRacheal.com || Instagram: @YogaRacheal || SHE IS FABULOUS! Donate to her GoFundMe]

It wasn't until I reached my twenties that I finally, learned my boobs[V necks are my savior.], embraced my boobs [cleavage is like oxygen for my chesticles] and have utilized e v e r y advantage they offer. [Hello Wrap dresses, you are my everything.]

I have gained an imperiable confidence in myself, as myself. and I have given myself the OK, [Despite everything i was taught] to dress and behave in a healthy and appropriate manner that allows me to be and express who I am, wholly.
from the inside out.

and that includes cleavage and short skirts.

[not at the same time. never at the same time.]

You see my fun and faaaaaaaabulous friends, you cannot define what is appropriate for some one else, based on appearance alone at least. What might be right for some, may not be right for you and vice vera. Modesty is subjective and should be taught from the inside out as opposed to a checklist of what is appropriate and what is not.

[Celfie Game too strong - @Raedeeohhead]

The human body is to be celebrated and explored. 

learned and embraced.

in it's entirety.

from the inside out.

Self Confidence.

Thats what is most appropriate.

That is the modest that is hottest.

#LifeGoals

I want to be unshakable.

not in control.

but so deep in trust, so deep in peace, so deep in contentment.

that I cannot or will not be moved.

[Follow the Photo: @thafourth]

I want life to shake me up, and like figurines in a snow globe, my soul stand firm as the snow falls all around it. 

I want to trust so deeply in my roots and in my foundation and what is greater than I, that it's not a matter of "If", in regards to my dreams, but a certain matter of 'When'. an unshakable trust.

I want to love so truly that each and every connection of my soul reincarnates a new and better version of myself with every encounter.

I want to live so fully, that I find immeasurable joy in every experience, no matter what that experience may be.

[Follow the Photo: @thafourth]

I want to be unshakeable.

not in control.

but so deep in trust, so deep in peace, so deep in contentment.

That I cannot or will not be moved.

Learning With Depression.

This past Sunday I did my laundry for the first time in a few weeks. [read a month.]

Now, I am not one of those people who has a lot of clothes so I can still survive without fresh laundry, no I am one of those people who should do laundry once a week if I want wardrobe options.

it took me so long to do laundry, because after my birthday, I hit a really low low. waves of depression and sadness and hopelessness came flooding in. drowning in the darkness, I fought the urge to live. it's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last.

[Follow the photo: instagram.com/thafourth - tell em funfabsaved sent ya!]

However this time was a little different. although I couldn't muster the energy to even get out my bed. my heart was little more hopeful and so instead of trying to drag myself out of this extremely low low, I allowed myself to wallow. instead of my mind trying to convince me that these lows that I often experience are unnatural and by extension all in my head, I allowed myself to stay in the bed for days at a time not showering or eating. instead of suppressing every urge to end it all because at the bottom line I never want to be here because i never had a say in being here, I allowed myself to cry. for no reason at all. and for every reason in the world. 

I experienced a new progression, for myself, in that I must allow the ebbs and flows of my life to occur naturally. I mustn't push against the current just to create a life I have idealized for myself. I must allow myself to feel every emotion that flows through my experience. in doing so I don't drown in what I know is natural to me. thusly understanding that the same current that dragged me in will push me out.

Will there ever be a day when I live a balanced existent where there are no low low lows? Are all my depressive triggers based on my current situation [that has actually been the same situation masked as different situation all my life]?

I do not know.

what I do know is that last night I showered, and made up my bed and got cozy in my room while dancing to Meghan trainer on repeat and it didn't take every ounce of my being to do so.

and that to me, is a step in the right direction.

until next time.

Just Pick one.

Ive been fighting this thing since I was like a freshman in high school.
I knew something was wrong with the system they were laying out for us.
I saw this 1-dimensional box they were trying to shove us in at the tender age of 14.

"pick one thing you like and make it your career."

"pick your major, and make it good"

[Read: start thinking about it now prepubesant adolescence, because the moment you turn 18 you are stuck with that decision for life."]

SN: aint it fun. being 18 is too young to drink or to get married but its old enough to vote and make major life decisions that adversely affect your entire future and the future of the world? 

Of course I didn't say anything at the time because it was only socially acceptable to go against this grain if you had a remarkable talent, mainly like singing or tangible art. and so I went through the motions almost getting consumed in appropriate societal behavior.

What I didn't fully understand or realize then, that I'm realizing know is that I don't want to be anything. I just want to be. I want to do things. a lot of things. cool things. different thing. my interests blow with the wind. and that is ok. because my goal is to simply Be.

just this morning I woke up with a theory about dreams and physical comfort levels and i became instantly and deeply interested in Sleep patters. Does that mean i want to become a Sleep Dr. of course not. i don't care that much.

[Update 3.7.15 - Photo credit || raychillster.tumblr.com || she is a fairy and I'm happy i found her.]

however what I do care about is experiences, and people and my passion is to have experience WITH people and  encourage people to HAVE experiences.

how will that translate into an avenue that enhances my life and enhances my way of living.

I can honestly say I do not know. but for today I will refuse to subscribe to the "Pick One" archetype.

I will continue to do cool things and meet cool people and live fully

fun. 

fab. 

and fearless.

Let It Be.

Go Follow The King of photography Slayage @Thafourth.]

Enter the void. release earthly tethers. become wind.

William Washington James Haynes said [Something like] that.

it's from The Last Airbender or maybe The legend o Korra. idk. I'm to that cool.

and i think it's really corny. but also quite provocative.

This crazy thing called life is probably far less complicated than we have made it with our comparisons and expectations and entitlements and materialism. 

not saying those things are inherently bad, we just have a innate tendency to misuse them and thats when things turn to poo.

We have to first handle the foundation before we can build the house, which is a concept i think is lost at an early age and that is why most millennials (20 somethings) go through deep depressive existential  crisis, because the pressure and the responsibility to be an "adult' is too much for a person, who doesn't wholly understand who they are as a human being, to handle.

so it's best that I, and I'm suggesting this to you, live intentionally in the moment. 

because only the current moment is real. 

and when you take it it for what it is. it is quite wonderful [and enlightening].

in each moment. learn who you are. love who you are. live who you are.

9 Letters that will change your life.

It's a very tough pill to swallow.

Patience, that is.

because it's only natural to think the only cure for your grieving soul is to be granted what your heart desires.

we. hate. waiting. 

we are embarrassed by asking for help.

we are pained by the word unknown.
we are anguished by the word no.

not sure if this is human nature. or western society or maybe just american mentality but we are so wrapped up in self sufficiency that I genuinely believe M O S T of our problems wouldn't even be problems if we invested in the notion of community. but thats not the point here.

[Photo Cred: YogaRacheal.com || Instagram: @YogaRacheal || SHE IS FABULOUS! Donate to her GoFundMe]

Gratitude is the point.

Just. Say. Thanks!

no matter where you are in life, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. in the moment.

and no matter if you are on the top of the world or scraping the bottle of the barrel, and you feel like you are A L W A Y S scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Gratitude.

Focus on what you have. Focus on what you like.
because that is the only combat against waiting, against patience, against pain, against Fear.

it redirects your focus. and it fills your soul with joy.

and if you ever feel like you having nothing to be grateful for mediate on this:

"what if you woke up today, with everything you said thank you for yesterday."

Keep Gratitude on your lips as patience permeates your soul.

Fart in Public.

There is something that can be said about people who are easily embarrassed.
I have learned that embarrassment, simply put, is fear or shame of being a human.

Humans, by nature are flawed and when we feel embarrassed about certain things it is only us denying our humanity.

Embarrassment, breaks down that barrier of perceived perfection. we fear people seeing us for who we really are. we fear being real and raw and honest and unfiltered, we fear that we won't be enough, and that flaw will keep us from our ultimate and so we hope to be be perceived as perfect.... without flaw. but flaws level the playing field, flaws make us equal.

and sometimes we don't like that. sometimes we DO wanna feel superior, even if its subconscious. sometimes we bask in the elitism.

but that is no way to live.

It's ok to be flawed. it's ok to make mistakes. it is ok to be equal. its okay to play on the same field. it is ok to be human.

So bask in your humanity today. bask in your flaws and imperfections and all the quirky little qualms that make you you.

and if your ever find yourself wondering, how can i get over being easily embarrassed: Fearlessly pull a wedgie out in public, because i guarantee you if you do, someone will see you and chuckle to themselves or race to twitter or a group text and have a good ol laugh at the shock that "that girl just pulled out a wedgie in front of me"

You never know how being yourself, wholly and unabashedly human, can spread a little happiness.

Sneezing on your period.

Being a person is just... *sigh*

Like, Life is really short and so you wanna do as much as you can and live it to the absolute fullest.
but at the same time
Life is really long, I am only 24 and i feel like I've been existing for 100 years. and in this long life you feel the pressure to be calculated and careful and responsible because you want to create a healthy future of yourself.

and then there are so many perceptions and experiences.
and religions and deities.
and then there is the universe and the earth.

and it's a lot.

Its a big ol' uncomfortable mess.
like sneezing [or laughing] on your period.

but ya know what!

We are here. and we are spectacular!

and so my message to myself and my message to you on this not so sunny Wednesday is to

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Get up and do Epic things!

Stop making excuses, Get up and do Epic things!

Stop being scared, Get up and do Epic things!

just..... Be Epic.

Post Birthday Depression + Suicide?

I spent my entire Birthday 'Working' on a new project, on a new dream.

and every day after that, i was far too depressed to get out of my bed. to shower. to eat. to move.

even a shower required far too much energy i just didn't have,

but then i woke up this morning and decided that the time for wallowing is done. its time to write. its time to inspire. its time to chase.

and that is how I get got.

I don't wanna write, I'm not inspired to wrote. i have nothing to write.

but I power through and write. and i wrote a lot.

However, what I write is really poor quality content, and so I say 'nope, not gonna post it'  

but then there is a tiny tiny tiny inclination that says 'post it because someone needs to read it, probably.' 

and then that tiny inclination continues by saying 'in your weakest he is strong' 

and tops me off with 'EVERYONE'S Success story starts with them powering through a low/unbelieving/uninspired moment.' 

Yet.... Here I sit. Uninspired and equally unsuccessful.

and still I press on.

because I am an addict.

of dreams. of hope. of love. of life.

I am addicted to the notion that one day, some day I will live the life i have always dreamed of. and I won't be satisfied until that reality is my reality.

and so I press on, like any addict taking it one day at a time. one step at a time. one moment at a time.

because only this moment is real, and this real moment is wonderful.

There is nothing else to do...

"Trust the moment"

I keep whispering to myself.

"You are exactly where you need to be, just trust the moment"

It works in slowing down my heart rate.

It works in steadying my breathing.

It doesn't work however, in easing my mind

[@Raedeeohhead]

my mind continues to race.

but not frantically, like in times before when I was working towards being a wunderkind overnight so that by age 25 I could me on Forbes 25 under 25 as an example of why "prayer works".... which it doesn't BTW. and why living outside of the box [quickly] takes you places where others aren't.... which again.... doesn't.

it still races quickly, just 

a little less frantic 

a little less scattered

more like a mature, trusting.... dare i say, Patient race.

Yet, even with this new and enlightened perspective.

This slow and steady Race.

It's really difficult to "trust the moment" when every moment feels monumental.

How do you trust the moment when you feel like every moment feels like you are standing at a perpetual fork in the road? Each moment can take you down any path and lead you anywhere all of which are unknown?

[food for thought by Jon Acuff]

Well Jes, and my dear fun and fabulous friends, all i can say to you is this:

Trust the moment!

because no matter how contrived or even cliche'd it is

You are exactly where you need to be in every moment. You just have to trust.

no matter which road you take, you will be ok.

because the roads do not end.

they evolve.

and your life right now isn't ending, it is evolving.

Go! 

live life.

unapologetically fearless.

DO EPIC STUFF MY FUN & FABULOUS FRIENDS!

Me, Myself & Time.

Today marks exactly 30 days until year 24.

I am both terrified and elated.

My Head is frozen in it's tracks and my heart sings while I talk.

[Celfie Game too strong - @Raedeeohhead]

and while these dihcotomic emotions run rampart.
I wish to be intentional in leaning into the good, and feeding the positive.

And so as an excited and terrified almost 24 year old. I am reminded by the words spoken by an excited and terrified almost 23 year old.

...maybe someone should tell someone that It's gonna be ok.that you don't have to figure it all out. because you won't figure it all out. and in that moment you think you figure it all out, life will remind you that you can't figure it all out. and that contrary to everything inside of you, time is not, after all, running out, that you are precisely where you need to be, who you need to be and why you need to be right now. and that dichotomy of everything that makes you who you are, what you are and why you are, that perfect storm brewing deep within your heart, well that will indeed manifest into something far more beautiful that you could ever think or imagine!(read entire post here)

No matter what life throws our way.

 It will all be ok.

WE will all be ok.