Post Birthday Depression + Suicide?

I spent my entire Birthday 'Working' on a new project, on a new dream.

and every day after that, i was far too depressed to get out of my bed. to shower. to eat. to move.

even a shower required far too much energy i just didn't have,

but then i woke up this morning and decided that the time for wallowing is done. its time to write. its time to inspire. its time to chase.

and that is how I get got.

I don't wanna write, I'm not inspired to wrote. i have nothing to write.

but I power through and write. and i wrote a lot.

However, what I write is really poor quality content, and so I say 'nope, not gonna post it'  

but then there is a tiny tiny tiny inclination that says 'post it because someone needs to read it, probably.' 

and then that tiny inclination continues by saying 'in your weakest he is strong' 

and tops me off with 'EVERYONE'S Success story starts with them powering through a low/unbelieving/uninspired moment.' 

Yet.... Here I sit. Uninspired and equally unsuccessful.

and still I press on.

because I am an addict.

of dreams. of hope. of love. of life.

I am addicted to the notion that one day, some day I will live the life i have always dreamed of. and I won't be satisfied until that reality is my reality.

and so I press on, like any addict taking it one day at a time. one step at a time. one moment at a time.

because only this moment is real, and this real moment is wonderful.