The forgotten commodities.

So, this has been on my mind basically my whole life, more so since I have jumped 100% into being a writer and even more so since all these tragic things have happened. It sucks that Good people aren't sufficiently appreciated. Even in "the church"...

Let's take a moment to just say: Thank You!


- Christian's Who Get it.
there are few Christians who simply.... get it...
there are few chrsitans who live out loud the character of christ so much so that you can't help but to wanna get to know the Jesus that they talk about. no these people aren't perfect but they certainly have figured something out that the rest of us haven't.

So thank you!
My personal example: Pastor Damian Chandler.

- Products of preventions
Some people genuinely learn from other people's errors. It's cool because not everyone needs to BE a tragedy for them to learn strong life lessons and become good people. It sets a GREAT example for the younger generations.

So Thank You!
My personal example: Maurish.

- Unattached 20somethings who are saved/sold out:
In a world where the real Jesus isn't as popular as money and "love", it's almost shocking when an unattached 20something is God driven. Yet, they find themselves under the radar of appreciation. I could write a whole dissertation on the detriment in under appreciating this group of people and I might, but for now, I just want to say: I see you! I love you! Keep doing what you do!

Thank You!



-Do you know anyone who falls under one of these categories?
Share this with them! Tell them how much they are appreciated in this world where darkness SEEMS to reign supreme.

Are you one of these people?

THANK YOU! 

Thank you for staying true to YOU!

The simple yet ugly truth!

As believers it could be unanimously agreed that our go to response to adversity are the three most dangerous letters, and punctuation mark in the human vocabulary.

Gonna start doing all my own photography work.
take one.

w h y?

That's what caused lucifers down fall.

When I hit a bump in life and don't understand, I often find myself  re-evaluateing my faith, in it's entirety. Under normal circumstances this might be a good thing, but in actuality I only do it when things are going 'bad' and I never actually do any inward reflection. I search the wisdom of God trying to prove MY wisdom being supreme to his.  Whenever I am living in a way that honors God and EXTREMELY unfair things happen, I question God's sovereignty. 

It's funny how the game is fun as long as were making the rules. kind of like the playground. grow up. were not toddlers. and if you are a toddler and you are reading this... shoot me an email. we should talk.

The bottom line is this: God is sovereign, His will reigns supreme. His Primary Goal is to restore us back to eden. nothing more. nothing less. We think of God as our source of pleasure when he really is our source to fulfillment. God is going to do whatever it takes[whatever. it. takes] to save us, so that we can live in eternal joy with him.

bing. bang. boom.

I am still learning to hold on to this truth.

Together we can.

<3 ∞,

JesiRae

Numbers Lie...

"Why are we so convinced bigger audience  is simply common sense to have? maybe success is measured less by nothing less than our obedience?"

I love this album. I love this song. I love this artist.
I struggle with this line.

As a artist(of any form) your compensation for all your hard work comes for your audience. your fans. your supporters. Right? It's only logical.
As a blogger, the only way I [foresee] will ever turn this "hobby" into my dream career is to up my readership, right?That's what I keep being told. It's only logical.

So then, why does this single line trouble me so deeply? Why is it that every time I chase numbers: fans, readers, viewers, dollars... I brew more and more discontent with my life?

Numbers Lie.
and when has chasing a lie ever blossomed creativity?

You create because you want to be heard, understood, and appreciated.
You create because you want to express, share, and showcase.
You create because you have a story, a vision, a dream.

So, then why  are we so convinced a bigger audience is simple common sense to have? It's not logical.

Fo we know not how far the ripples of our decisions go.
Create, Live, Breath for an audience of one. The One.
Nothing more. Nothing less.

Numbers Lie, Jesus doesn't.
Numbers can't fulfill you, Jesus Can.
And contrary to popular belief
Numbers aren't the source of your provision, Jesus is.

together we can.

<3 ∞,

JesiRae

.iH8Xmas. Or. HBD Manny!

So it's no secret, I'm no fan of the holidays... for many reasons, but mainly because THEY AREN'T REAL!! Holidays like Veterans day & MLK day I appreciate because those are real. They honor real, people who do/did real things, but for everything else. stop. shut it down.

Even still, to appease the masses, I decided to make a fool of myself in the spirit of Christmas. because seriously, If, YOU, my readers are happy. I, JesiRae, am Happy!

Thank you for all the support. whether your a new reader or a seasoned reader.

Thank you. Enjoy! my gift to you: JesiRae's Christmas Special.

Then Watch this:

They enjoy a video of my favorite Christmas song, from my favorite Christmas movie, from my fav 50's actor.

 Yes, I'm still festive despite my earlier comments.
You. are. welcome.
<3 ∞,

JesiRae

Don't Buy the Domain.

It's a common mistake christians make.more so now, than before the internet hit it's prime. Too often, we proclaim our personal convictions as God's unchanging law, which confuses people and makes christians look like lunatics. Here's the thing, sometimes God relveals something in the bible JUST FOR YOU!

For example:  a couple weeks ago I was reading in the corinthians, and I came across a verse that said that women shouln't shave their head... now if you know ANYTHING about ME, it's that I LOVE to shave my head, mainly because I hate with the deepest of passions the follicles I've been given.(i am learning to love it, ok guys!) I have been completely bald most of my late teens/20s. So this particular verse really hit me in my conviction bone. It's a big deal to me, for deeply rooted reasons. For someone else, it may be a minuscule aspect of their life, so small in fact, that God may not even reveal it them. You see what I'm saying?

see, it's real. 19yo. no hair. tiny eyebrows.
oh dignity, where'd you go?

Just because it is in the bible, doesn't nessicarily mean it is a universial Jesus deal breaker, So while it is ok to share the things God has revealed to you, Here are somethings you just shouldn't do with your personal convictions:

Do not condescend: "It bothers me when girls cut their hair. look at my long hair. I follow the bible."

Do not Judge: "hmmm... you cut your hair. What are you hiding? Let me pray for you because obviously you aren't praying for yourelf.

Do not buy the domain:
baldwomenaregoingtohell.com.
Godhatesbaldwomen.com
Americaisdoomedbecausewomenarebaldandweareallgoingtodieunlesstheygrowtheirhairoutimnotcrazyitsinthebible.com

Again, I'm NOT saying don't share. It's ok to share.
Just watch yourself. Let God Lead.
Together we can.

Have any strange convictions? has anyone shared their strange convictions with you? let's chat. leave a comment.

<3 ∞,

JesiRae


p.s. it's Christmas eve. so here is a cover of one of my favorite christmas songs.

enjoy & you are welcome.

For Free, or Not for free?

Why don't I like, and rarely accept free stuff?

Simple.

You. Get. What. You. Pay. For.

Always, no exceptions.

Except in the case of salvation. Salvation is the only free thing that is worth more than anything this life has to offer.

So, if it's free and it's not salvation. I probably don't want it.

Jesus Juking Freebies!  like a boss.

<3 ∞,

JesiRae

Happy Birthday Jalayne!

One of my best friends in the world barely uses the internet. She isn't on any social media websites. She does online shop though. This is how I knew we were destined to me be friends, because although she tries to play me & my old lady habits, deep down she is 80 too. However, her lack of internet use will not stop me from dedicating a funfabsaved post to her.

23 reasons why I keep Lainee around.

These are the only pictures I have of us and there 2 years old.
She's gonna KILL ME!

1.) Her derriere. Not even trying to be funny, her butt is amazing. It is the source of my envy.

2.) Her eyes. [see, this is getting too sappy already.] She has eyes that sit so perfectly on her face they literally light up a room. not too big. not too small. just perfect.

3.)Her talent. this girl is SO CREATIVE. I will never forget she wrapped a gift in a Cheez-it box and printer paper and with just a few sharpies it looked like a professional gift had been wrapped. I was like SAY WHAT!?

4.)She has quality taste buds. Like I have never been lead astray with her mixtures and concoctions. so with her I am always willing to try new things.

5.) She makes THE BEST drinks. Like idk if it's her quality taste buds or genetics. Whether it be a cocktail or just a punch it is always the best thing ever.

6.) My mother likes her. Idky this is relevant. but it is.

7.) My sister loves her. my sister doesn't like any one my friends. so yes. always a plus.

8.)She is fearless.

9.) Always the life of the party.

10.) ALWAYS down for whatever crazy adventure I concoct in my brain, which are usually felonies.

11.)She is so giving. Always looking out for those she cares about. I am INSANELY lucky to be one of those people.

12.) She says whats on her mind. This keeps our friendship in progression. Always real, never fake.

13.) She is HILARIOUS! Like her sense of humor is so weird and corny that literally everything she says is funny.

14.) She reads. A lot. She has a bookcase in her room. full of books. that she has read.

15.) She is a fashionista! representing the thick and delicious everywhere! idk when the tables turned but yea, I admire her style.

16.) she introduces me to many new things. like egyptian cotton sheets, frozen yogurt and flea markets.

17.) She understands my love for my TV shows.

18.)She is open to new things. Always. Hence her newfound love for jimmy needham;)

19. She is Loyal. not just to me but to everyone she cares about. you haven't met a ride or die until you've met miss woods. like, forreal.

20.) She has a hidden wisdom, that I just recently discovered.  A profundity of thought that floors me every time she allows it to surface.

21.) She Compliments me. (Which coincidentally is my love language.)

22.) She just.... Gets me.

23.) She is an overall woman of High quality! I am lucky she calls me freind.

Love ya tons,

Rolla.

.I will wait for you there, or whatever.

I don't know if it's because the world is [supposedly] ending on friday, or God has something major planned for me soon, but life has been getting EXTRA stupid. Like, not just my life, everyone's life, is getting harder than usual.

I'm trapped. As a writer, who talks openly about faith, I feel  responsible to offer encouragement and joyous hope to ease the pain that life is so good at administering, but as a human, I want to encourage myself and everyone to just give up, because seriously, what's the point? I have yet, to have an everything worked out for my good moment, because as far as i am concerned "Good" is only the calm between storms. So, where do i get off encouraging someone to "keep the faith" when mine is hanging on my a hair? I don't wanna be cynical. I want to believe that all my misfortune is because i am a cynic so I try my hardest to be positive, and encourage others to do the same, because as a [christian] writer thats my duty right? but seriously? what's the point? because as far as I'm concerned, I literally cannot win. Call me murphy, for my law is supreme. There is no rhyme or reason to good things happening to people. It's just arbitrary strokes of luck. But if I believe that, then how can I believe that there is a supreme ruler, a God who is in control of everything? I choose to believe the former because if I rest in the latter the ugly question that seems to never be answered rears it's ugly head. "why not me?" "What am i doing wrong?" "Are you there god? it's me Jes." Because when it comes to this life, all i really want, all anyone wants, is to feel understood. To be heard. I really just want Intentional love, and if I don't feel like I'm getting that from my best friend[Jesus], then really whats the point?

All these feelings that i thought had been buried have surface, but with a twist because with all these overwhelming feelings, my heart has been crying out non stop, louder than ever before:

"Come Jesus, Come quickly."

Because more than anything I just want to see him. MY HIM. The lover of my soul, the very best friend I have ever had, I just want to look in his eyes and tell him thank you. tell him I love him. I want him to look me in my eyes and tell me he loves me. ME: The one who spends most of her life hating, doubting and questioning him. I cannot wait to feel his embrace and hear him say it, Because despite my thoughts and feelings the fact of the matter is that He loves ME and  on the other side of all these dark feelings is a big hug waiting Just for me. (and you too!)

Just for me, Surprise!

I don't know if I've said it on this blog before, but for the record, I loathe surprises. Mainly because I can always see them coming so it really is no fun feigning surprise to appease other peoples feelings. In other, seemingly unrelated news, I absolutely adore snail mail. in all forms.

Today I got the most delightful, unsuspected surprise, in my mail box from a blogging galpal. A surprise that finally connected my heart to the sacrifice of Jesus and made it a little more personal. I have always felt disconnected from the cross because it always seemed like a "mass produced" gift to everyone. I realized today,  it still is a personal gift from my savior. While he did die for  literally, everyone. He did it for ME! That is reason enough to get excited. He came. He died and he rose again, for ME! He really didn't have to, but he did.

How insane is her handwriting!

Her name is Rachel "Rae" Brown. She is awesome! She has the dopest website, where she writes the dopest, realest, most heart felt posts. she tweets and is on facebook. So she is pretty much easy to find, which I recommend you do.

It is impossible to put into words how this simple gesture has brightened my day, and so I will simply say.

Thanks Galpal

<3∞,

JesiRae

The Author, The Mother and The Bible.

One day last week, I was reading my bible. I love Jesus. I decided to read the sermon on the mount, because what else is better than hearing a sermon from Jesus himself... nothing. As I was reading, this happened.

Matthew 7:6(MSG) 

 “Don’t be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don’t reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you’re only being cute and inviting sacrilege.

ok. I hear ya Jesus. 

but wait.... oh, the monumental bouts of irony.
So. Much. Irony.

'Don't be flip with the sacred'... 

Is that a thing? 

Do people say that? 

What does that even mean? 

Eugene, we need answers sir!

At first I thought, I was lame and simply didn't get it. Like the time my mom called her car "souped up" and had the audacity to look at me out the side of her eye because I didn't understand what she was talking about. Then I realized 'TheMessgae' was translated in 2002 and Eugene H. Patterson the author of 'TheMessage' is no spring chicken himself. So maybe, just maybe, I really am too lame to get it.

I found the phrase itself and the fact that I was baffled by the phrase to be very ironic as well as  amusing. I love the bible and I love the different versions/paraphrases of the bible, they are very reflective of the God I serve.

What are some verses you've read(in the MSG or any other translation) that caused you to giggle and raise an eyebrow at the same time? 

<3 ∞,

JesiRae

I have a Tatoo. I Forgot.

Somewhere on this blog I talk about my struggles with self loathing in it's various forms, but I don't think I have ever mentioned what happened once deliverance occurred. In Nov of 2011, I was officially walking in freedom in Christ. So naturally, I got a tattoo. To celebrate, to remind, to encourage. Also, it was 21st birthday, and my sister was paying.

I called it my ebenezer(like Samuel in 1sam7.12). It was designed to remind me to always keep the faith, because my faith was the only constant in my life, thus being the beacon that led me to freedom.

This is what it looks like.

my wrist is ashy. classic poor hygiene. 

A month after I got it, I forgot I had it and was startled by it during a groggy early morning shower. It wasn't until I later realized that while the tattoo may be in clear view on my wrist, the reminder is forever in my heart. I think about my past struggles and the deliverance thereafter when I look at the cross, not my wrist. Everything, and I do mean EV  ER  Y  THING! can be found at the feet of Jesus the Christ.

Don't get my wrong, in no way do I regret it, but the message I learned from it was not the message I intended. Jesus is just a cool kid that way. He really does think of everything.

<3 ∞,

JesiRae

P!NK warned me of this.

I found this picture. This is the second time it's been posted to the internet.

obviously, I'm ran out of shame.

The Back of this said: "To Me. From Me"  Obviously I didn't want to forget.

I was 15. I was in the 10th Grade. I remember this top. It made my boobs look full(as if they needed help) and my stomach and arms look slim. I wore it as often as possible. This orange top that so deviously hid everything I hated about myself. Yet, I smiled. Big. because look at those teeth. Why wouldn't i?

I found this picture. I am 22. Sitting in my closet, wrapped in a large jersey deviously hiding everything I hate about myself. Yet, I Smiled. I smiled big because,  for goodness sakes, my teeth are amazing, and I wished I was this 15 year old girl. probably 20 lbs lighter then what I am today. I smiled because in those moments of me wishing and hoping to go back in time, God broke the cycle*. No fancy process, no big gestures of enlightenment. Just a hug like only god can give and an 'I love you' like only God can say.

As I sat on that floor. The best friend I've ever had Whispered this nugget of wisdom to me. 

"Here is the bottom line. Love yourself. Just the way you are, and in that love you will want better for yourself. If that means loosing weight, if that means gaining weight. If that means using make up, if that means NOT using makeup. Love yourself, just the way you are and Through Christ you will be the very best version of yourself, possible for this life."

He's Great guys, he really really is.

<3 ∞,

JesiRae


*The cycle. The downward spiral that is my self esteem. The 22 year old me found a picture of 15 year old me, wishing I was 15 year old me, forgetting that 15 year old me found a picture of 10 year old me and 15 year old me wished I was 10 year old me. Is this making any sense? Do you see the web the enemy has weaved me in? Is it just me?

A Message to Dreamers.

To all the dreamers out there: Thank you for the courage to dream. Thank you for the strength to stand outside of the track. As we watch our peers day in and day out run this race for rats, Know that we aren't any better than them, nor they us. Just different. and different is good. DIfferent is what makes life interesting. Different is what keeps this world afloat. DIfferent is what keeps us all alive. If you are living out your dreams, or working towards them, you are a vital part of the lifeline.  and though our paths my look different, we are all in this thing together. So never stop dreaming. For your dreams are the essence of you. and this dark world needs a little more you. So stay true to you. Always dream. Always fight. Always work. victory will always come. So, to all the dreamers out there, thank you for the courage to dream.

- A Dreamer. 

Jesus Loves Rih this i know.

Disclaimer: This is in no way an endorsement or a promotion of ANYTHING but the love of God through the sharing of my heart and life experience. 

Here's the backstory: I've always been a fan of Rihanna. Since 2005. When 'pon de replay' came out and I just knew I was from the left side of somebodies island. It was not a pretty sight. I was also 15 so that should excuse me, at least a little bit. Over the years as I began to grow in christ and my "ways" began to change my music tastes began to change as well, including my love for Rihanna, and although I never complete ditched "secular music",(I really dislike that term, but whatever) I was mostly only into CCM.
Just recently she released a new album and I was kind of excited for it. It was odd to me that I was as excited as I was because my itunes most played list over the last couple of years consisted of Britt nicole, Jimmy Needham, Jamie Grace, The arrows(the south african  pop duo, not the 70's rock band) and  most recently Selah[just to name a few].
When her album 'Unapologetic' debuted I listened to it and of course I loved it because duh, I've always loved her music. One song in particular stood out to me. It's called "right now" and it's a super techno dance pop record. Now without doing a full lyrical breakdown, just know the chorus spoke directly to my life situation. Spoiler alert: it's a carpe diem anthem. The first verse spoke words of my feelings towards God and the second toward my feelings for my dreams.

One night as I was driving down the road singing the song at the tippy top of my lungs, I couldn't help but smile. I realize Rihanna's music isn't very conducive to my spiritual well being. I realize her music doesn't glorify the one I call my savior and yet what The Devil meant for evil God used for good! Even in my shortcomings God found a way to show me that he loves me and his eyes are on me. He revealed himself to me through a Rihanna song. He's so cool. I love him. That is all.

<3 ∞,
JesiRae

A page from my journal: Literally.

Why I stopped drinking. 11.27.12

Seriously, this is my journal.

Basically, it clouded my intuition & made me loose confidence in Christ.
My drinking habits aren't typical for most my age. I don't drink to get drunk... it's always like a celebratory cocktail/wine/Champagne every now and then(why am i flexin in my journal? it was more often than I'm letting on.) So I honestly didn't see it to be 'wrong'.  It was only a knowledge that it was wrong. I didn't even realize the problem until today. Me and Jesus were cool, website was done... so I had a drink. ONE DRINK to celebrate and also help me sleep cuz it was late and I was excited. I woke up, had my devo as usual & everything was cool, until I randomly started over thinking and questioning everything about everything i had been doing... the old me was back... like peter on the water(lol. yes i use analogies in my journal). To this day I still don't see the big deal in drinking socially and scarcely but as for me....Jesus is way better.

As you can see this is a new journey I am taking with Jesus, but I am certain I'll be ok. It's not an easy thing, but I haven't had a drink since i wrote this. So yea... Follow me on twitter to hear about my cocktail cravings;)

<3 ∞,

JesiRae

Don't Call it a comeback, Call it something else.

Hey ya'll, welcome to funfabSAVED! 
It is my absolute honor that I am able to finally properly relaunch my blog and share a part of my heart with the world. It's been a long time coming, but here we are:) [Can we give props to Jena! how AMAZING is my logo?] Coming from a world were dreaming isn't really a popular opinion, choosing to be a dreamer, breaking away from what is considered normal and walking in my own path wasn't easy, but let me tell you, it was well worth it. Knowing that the launch of this site is a small portion of my dreams coming true was definitely worth the [proverbial] risk. When I say I am excited out this stratosphere? ya'll... I just... I can't even… *sigh* Thanks Jesus. If you are a first time reader or you've been around since 'lunch is on me' I just want to say… Thank you!

Now that all the sappy stuff is out the way let's get to the good stuff! 
Can I be completely honest right quick? 
I have a problem. 

What happens is this, I find very little gumption to do things I see no purpose in. If I don't see how any given thing is going to play out then I will not do it. This is why I stopped blogging. I have a dream to be a full time blogger/writer and the first time around blogging was just stupid to me. I was pouring my heart out into my writing and all it got me was jeers from those around me about not having a "real job". I was over it, I honestly never saw how anything would transpire before I began and I proved myself right.(yet again, but thats a story for another time.) I didn't realized this way of thinking, this level of fear, this depth of doubt was a problem. I didn't see it as me defying christ in any way I just saw it as "it is what it is". I only realized this was a problem because as I looked around my shattered dreams and humdrum life my heart grew more desperate for Christ, and as I began to truly abide in Christ I began to adapt to his qualities and characteristics. I learned the mildly arduous way that God requires blind trust sometimes. Sometimes you just gotta stop, flush the flesh and trust. Walking towards God's guidance with a mind set to fail,(most call it a "plan B") as I did, is still a lack of trust even if your simply "doing what your told". God had to do something about that! So from June to Dec. I began to walk with my eyes closed, i didn't see, i didn't know, i just looked at him and took it one step at a time. I did bump into things, like, it wasn't 100% smooth sailing, However, when I opened my eyes funfabSAVED was a REAL THING!, not some mediocre attempt to become an overnight sensation, as my blog was the first time around. It was the Real deal! My dreams manifesting right before my eyes! Even when I didn't have a clear understanding as to where God was leading, I learned that when I am actively walking in the will of Christ and pursuing his heart things will indeed work together for my good. 

I said I was being honest right? With all that I have seen and with all that I know I still sometimes struggle with obeying God simply because I see no purpose in certain things. The problem is still there. kinda. I don't get me.(rom7.) I know one thing though, as I continue to walk in grace I will stop being so doggone hard headed. It isn't difficult, there is no long process before I can break free. I am just stubborn, and that's just the God honest truth. 

So you see, Contrary to popular belief JesiRae really doesn't have it all together!(no one has ever thought that…. ever). 
One major thing I learned through this experience that has changed me to my core is that fearlessly and bodily acknowledging my problem(s) to God and to myself ushered me into a deeper connection with God, and set me on a journey to healing and being completely free in him[1john1.9 God already knew this;p], when I got real, things got real. So today, I dare YOU to do the same thing I did, fearlessly and boldly admit to yourself and to God something you want to be set free from. (you can even go a step further and share in the comments below if you so choose.) The beauty of the cross is the fact that christ died for that very problem. Don't believe the lie, we don't have to live with it, it doesn't always have to be a long process, we don't even have to deal with it. Give it to God. Freedom is possible. No more excuses. Just start walking! Together we can!

<3 ∞,

JesiRae