P!NK warned me of this.

I found this picture. This is the second time it's been posted to the internet.

obviously, I'm ran out of shame.

The Back of this said: "To Me. From Me"  Obviously I didn't want to forget.

I was 15. I was in the 10th Grade. I remember this top. It made my boobs look full(as if they needed help) and my stomach and arms look slim. I wore it as often as possible. This orange top that so deviously hid everything I hated about myself. Yet, I smiled. Big. because look at those teeth. Why wouldn't i?

I found this picture. I am 22. Sitting in my closet, wrapped in a large jersey deviously hiding everything I hate about myself. Yet, I Smiled. I smiled big because,  for goodness sakes, my teeth are amazing, and I wished I was this 15 year old girl. probably 20 lbs lighter then what I am today. I smiled because in those moments of me wishing and hoping to go back in time, God broke the cycle*. No fancy process, no big gestures of enlightenment. Just a hug like only god can give and an 'I love you' like only God can say.

As I sat on that floor. The best friend I've ever had Whispered this nugget of wisdom to me. 

"Here is the bottom line. Love yourself. Just the way you are, and in that love you will want better for yourself. If that means loosing weight, if that means gaining weight. If that means using make up, if that means NOT using makeup. Love yourself, just the way you are and Through Christ you will be the very best version of yourself, possible for this life."

He's Great guys, he really really is.

<3 ∞,

JesiRae


*The cycle. The downward spiral that is my self esteem. The 22 year old me found a picture of 15 year old me, wishing I was 15 year old me, forgetting that 15 year old me found a picture of 10 year old me and 15 year old me wished I was 10 year old me. Is this making any sense? Do you see the web the enemy has weaved me in? Is it just me?