Doing Life Better

Maybe this is immature theology, maybe these are ramblings of a young adult who hasn't lived even half the life that most humans have. I don't know. I was maybe 14 when i began to cultivate this idea, so it is well marinated in that i am 22, actually i am 23. - Maybe this will be a new blog series - i Think it's time to address the SAVED in funfabSAVED!

Dear Christian Human beings, If you approach any other human being with intentions OTHER than connecting with them as humans, you my friend are doing life wrong. you are doing "witnessing" wrong. you are doing "ministry" all wrong.

and i understand that we are called to be fishers of men and things of that nature. I understand that we have a life and a light that cannot be contained that we just GOTTA share with "the least of these". - however, "leading someone to a relationship with christ" is not a thing.

maybe what people, what these least, need more than "a relationship with jesus" is a relationship with you. Maybe instead of "a word from the lord" they just really need a smile or a kind word.

Maybe people don't want to be looked at as a number or a church statistic or a mere prize to be won.

I think it's noble that we as a group of believers desire to do the work of the lord, but what if the work of the lord is just living your life as a less horrible person everyday. What if all it took to please God was to be nicer? what if all you need to hear #welldone is to be a little more social? What if we did life completely different, and I don't mean reinventing the wheel of church services or ministry or any of those things. what if we took it back to the basics. to simple human decency. And I'm not talking tolerance or political correction. I'm not talking social cues and understandings. I mean where we as human beings, unite it mind, body and soul and just individually commit to being less of a dick. to our selves. to our friends. to our community. Where we stop acting like we have some secret that everyone else needs. like we are somehow above them and we are doing them a favor. where we as humans can learn to be unabashedly ourselves and give everyone else that same right/respect. where we as human beings connect with other humans for the sake of mutual interaction and not the desire to fix something we perceive as wrong. Where we connect on deep intimate levels because we are all the same. just trying to muddle through life on this treacherous blue marble. -

My whole life I was taught that "my life needed to be a witness" but maybe my life just needs to be lived. and maybe thats all you need to do. is be. - be unabashedly and fearlessly you not looking for purpose. just be. and give everyone else that same right/respect/Freedom.

That's just whats been on my mind.

Because sometimes you don't want to be you.

Sometimes I wake up and wish I could write fiction like Jeida. Other times I stare back and that blinking cursor that I love to hate and wish I could seamlessly put words and stories together like Brett. then there are those days (which is like everyday) I find myself wishing I was as funny and concise as Missy. Then there are times that I wish I could paint pictures and weave tapestries that pierce a soul with my worlds like Rachel.

More times than I'd like to admit I sit in front of this 13in macbook screen and wish, my hands and my brain and blog belongs to someone, anyone else. someone who touched people with their words. someone who got numbers - comments. views. shares. - someone who was clearly called for this line of work, this extremely underrated art form. and I know it's silly, to not love my art because I know I am legit.(toot toot suckaz) I know I have talent and I know this is what Jesus and I have agreed upon as a thing for my life. Yet, and I blame the estrogen, I still find myself cowering back and down to my insecurities. - and as much as they suck. I love it. Because it gives me something to write about. It breaths life into my fiction. I win the staring contest with the cursor. I am funny and concise. I paint pictures and weave tapestries with my words. not like Jeida, or Brett, or Rachel or Missy. - Like me. Jesi Rae.

I no longer negotiate with insecurities, when they creep up, I wrangle them down and I use them to my advantage. to connect. to be transparent. to grow. Because that's the kind of writer I want to be, but more importantly, that's the kind of woman I want to be. one that is confident. not because she has no insecurities but because she takes no crap from them. a women who is open and honest and transparent because that is true strength. a women who is ever learning and loving and understand and growing, because that is wisdom.

I can't, and you can't my fun and fabulous friend, be [confident, strong, wise] wishing you were someone else, wishing you had what someone else has.

To be a woman who stands tall and firm with roots plated deep and wide. a woman of confidence, of strength, of wisdom. - That comes from learning and knowing and growing in who and whose you are. #FunFabSAVED

To be a woman of character, that's what my heart desires. That's what my life is working towards.

Stay Fun and Fabulous my Friends.

PSA: Notwithoutlove

How gorgeous is this shot from e4 || @thafourth?

As my awareness of the human experience grows and my eyes are more and more open about what was, is and is to come, I realized that every basic human need is the same - as well as the solution. ("the root of very need is separation from creation")  - We are all one, unified by one desire. While each desire manifests and translates differently, it's the same basic human need. With these differences that unite us as one, tension brews and steeps like a very strong ill tasting, stifling stench tea. However beyond these differences and the stench we have creation because of them, beyond race, sex, gender, sexual orientation, religion, denomination, relationship, relationship status we as a race of humans can be united under one single think: (That one is for you JG!)

Let love Reign and The Golden Rule....Rule! 

Don't over complicate life with a list of rigid rules or with "free thinking" carelessness.

Basically, Just don't be a Dick. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. #SimpleLife

No one is good, not even one.
No one is right, not even one.

There are many 'truths', because there are many experiences.

Do you, Be you. Convicted and unashamed - Just don't be a dick about it.


Tis All.

Life's Best Unkept Secret.

It's only ever happened to me a few times in my life.
Which is kind of sad; it's something I honestly struggle with because of this giant brain of mine
but I am grateful for those few times. it opened my eyes and my mind and my heart to what is possible.

e.IV || @thafourth

Gratitude.
and not the cute-sy kind we often fake because it's been ironed & pressed deep into our psyche from birth to have an "attitude of gratitude".

I am talking, earth shattering, core shaking, mind blowing, When thank you just isn't enough and you just feel like you need to do something, A N Y T H I N G, to repay the favor, but you know deep within the depths of your soul nothing will ever suffice. The Gradutide where you just cannont fathom how you cannont fathom what you did to ever deserve this kind of kindness. The kind of graditude where you know beyond know without a shadow of a doubt that you did absolutely nothing to deserve such gifts. The kind of graditude that almost brings tears to your eyes. The kind of graditude that makes you shake, literally. The kind of graditude that makes you wanna crawl out of your skin and peer behind the supernatural curtain to find out what's REALLY going on. When you aren't suspicious about anything just floored that you were the recipient of such a massive blessing.(no matter the size) The kind where your faith is restored. The kind where in those few moments your hope is stronger than ever. The kind of gratitude where everything, in that moment, is just OK!

Honest. Real. True.
Gratitude.

It's only ever happened to me a few times in my life.
Which is kind of sad,  but I am determined to change, to shift my perspective, to open my heart,
While I am grateful for those few times, I want this shattering, shaking, shifting occurrence to happen every day between me and the one who holds my heart.

And not in the cute-sy kind of way I always  sometimes fake because it's been iron pressed deep into my psyche from birth to have an "attitude of gratitude".

From now until Forever I will chase.
the real. 
the honest. 
the true.
Gratitude.