Sometimes you don't wanna get outs bed, and that is ok.

I wish someone would have told me that knowing and liking Jesus is hard. the hardest. because at every moment my heart is breaking. for those i know and those i don't know. for the things i see and the things I cannot. for those around me. for myself. - for the darkness in the world is so heavy that my little light, the light Jesus placed inside my anxious and unworthy soul barely shines.

barely.  - from my perspective.
because while all I see is the darkness around me and within me. because while all i can see is a tiny little flicker, i know that that little flame is shining all around me. oh how it shines. to every dark corner of the world. even when i don't know because it's not actually my light: it is His.

Jesus, the one I like a whole lot, is taking my dim flickering light and breathing into it new life.  peace. hope. faith. joy. - Giving it all the glory of the Father, I don't have to be consumed by how things were, how things should be, how things he promises us will soon be. - all i have to do is exist. breathe. be. Just be.

Tragedy Sells.

You don't have to be tragic to be interesting.

e4photo || @thafourth

That's what I tell myself everyday. these are the words I would whisper into the heart of my sweet and innocent 14 year old self. these are the words I will often speak into the life of my Super-Adorable-I-Cant-Even-Stand-It niece. and these are the words I wish to pour into you.

Because you don't have to force a story worth redemption and admiration.
you don't have to sin certain way and be delivered a certain way to be a worthy and recognizable recipient of grace.

Just be you. existing, living, being.
because that alone, my fun and fabulous friends, is enough.
enough for redemption, enough for grace, enough of a story to tell.

You are enough. and your story is enough, just the way it is.
and if your story is "tragic" that is ok too.

You are every bit of lovely all because you exist, all because you live, all because you are.

Ban #Blessed.

I don't know why, but i really dislike, when people "brag" about their "blessings'.
It could very much be my envy, as no "blessings" have occurred giving me reason to "brag" about.
or maybe it's just my ever growing, ever deepening dissatisfaction with social media, and how easy it is to be one-sided, only sharing the good, the bright, the "brag worthy" - #Blessed[insert how things worked in your favor]

idk, I think it might me a combination of both, but I also think it's because that is not how Jesus intended for us to show him off. "bragging" about our "blessings" is not how Jesus intended to for us to showcase his love.

I like to think that a blessing is less in the tangible things he does for us but the evidence of who he is to us. Maybe Blessings are the subtle ways he shows his Righteousness and love. Like the hugs only jesus can give, or the changing of the seasons in color and temperature and wind patterns and in the reassurance that things won't be the same forever. the way the stars are innumerable and the hairs on our head cannot be counted. in the rainfall and the hurricane and when the earth quakes. maybe blessing are the mysteries of the world, like how long has the earth actually been in orbit, when do our bodies peak and begin to die and what really happened to those pesky dinosaurs. maybe blessings are simply the beauty in redemption and second chances. or hugs between strangers. or witnessing the gentleman who helps his neighbor with groceries or watching the young student who aides the mother on the bus.

maybe Blessings are not pleasurable things that happen to us specifically, but maybe it is the intangible. the universal. the thing that everyone, no matter race, gender, class, sexual orientation and relationship status, [or where the wheel of fortune has landed on your life], can experience. - because maybe there is no rhyme or reason to the occurrences - fortunate or unfortunate - of our life.

Maybe blessings are inclusive and not exclusive. maybe blessings are not nor can they be earned[through loyalty or prayer or attempts at perfectionism]. maybe blessings are not even a reward. because if things don't work in your favor, that doesn't mean you are not blessed. currently, actively blessed.

Maybe blessings are simply the evidence of who God is, and blessings are given freely, to everyone, just for existing, just for living, Just for being.

and maybe "Being a Blessing" is simply gently reminding people, those you know and those you don't, of their value and that they are loved simply because they are existing, living, being.

Lunch is one me... redux.

Lunch is on me...

The first blog post I ever wrote across this pretty blog space.

[Wish i had pics of funfabsaved.blogspot.com - vintage! - photo above is mine by me!]

and since that day in december 2011, 25k+ views, 2ish years later,  I have learned many lessons. many truths. many experiances. - Some good. most bad. - most importantly though, I have grown: as a writer and a blogger and a story teller and human woman. and through this growth and through all the changes and all the experiences there is one thing I hope becomes embedded into my character and lodges itself deep within my psyche and becomes a permanent part of me.

Just be: within your own truth.

Trust your instincts, trust your gut and above all trust the one who breaths life and hope and peace and words and ideas into your heart and soul. - and give everyone else the freedom to do the same.

If I never write or utter another word again. if I had one thing and one thing only to share with the world. This would be it.

Just be: Within your own truth.

Soak up every moment for exactly what it is. a moment. Life is meant to be lived, not learned or tried, or figured out. Just live. Just be.

Just be: within your own truth.

While life is meant to be lived it can get tough to figure out exactly what that means. - The best thing I can tell you is to live within your own truth. [There are many truths because there are many experiences] -Do not try too hard to become. live. be. how you are, who you are, whose you are and why you are! - always understanding. always evolving. always growing.

May we, my fun fabulous family, never figure it out. may we never know, may we never arrive.

May we forever ride the waves of bind blowing adventure of this thing called life, may we forever soar and dream and chase and live and be.

Thank you,

Jesi Rae [formerly Ryen Lynette cooper for the OG FFS readers]

Because Being is Enough.

"When you have nothing to write about, write about your insecurities."

That's what they tell us.

and i have listened, oh how i have listened.

Because I am a writer, I write, and when i am not writing, well my souls stirs and questions. - who am I?

and as my soul stirs, and stumbles around the question of purpose and identity, I grasp at straws trying to find a way to steady my feet. Because when i have nothing to write I write about my insecurities. - and that's ok. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. but i want more than that. because i am more than that.

I wish for the words of my mouth and the steady murmur of the rumbling of my heart to charge and inspire myself and those around me to forever chase. not a dream. not a purpose. not a person, but a call - The Call. from The One that steadily calms the pitter patter of our sweet anxious souls.

because when I have nothing to write about falling back on my insecurities is cheap, when i have every opportunity to sit at the feet of the one who is writing my story better than i ever could. when i can soak in the wisdom of the heart that spoke worlds into existence. When i have nothing to write about i can sit and listen because He is always speaking. whispering. everything i need into my stirring soul.

May I and those I may inspire forever grow in grace, never forgetting for a moment the love and value we hold simply by being. just being.

Eventually... Chicken Bacon

This is what I would title the memoir of my life.

This stunning photo belongs to Rae @ imchaskingkitetails.com - Go Spam her with Love for she is awesome!

Because waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and then receiving something as confusing and infuriating as chicken bacon seems to be the common theme in my life. and yes, if you are wondering. Chicken Bacon is as nasty as Chicken Bacon sounds. and if you like chicken bacon - pls leave a comment below. So i can pray blessing over your poor, lost, broken soul.

Yet, I always accept the chicken bacon. disgruntled and insulted. dazed and confused. my ego and confidence bruised. and that translates into a tantrum usually in the form of binge drinking and then that translates into a realization of my principles which translates into the realization that the good God I serve would never serve me Chicken bacon. but yet I always accept it. - Because Saying No Thanks to chicken Bacon makes me feel like I am giving up something of potential value. Like I am turing away a blessing in disguise, boy how we love to say that - because  there is comfort in what is tangible, accessible to the senses. but that is not faith. That is not hope and that is not what this jesus thing is all about. #FunFabSAVED. Saying No Thanks to chicken bacon in all actuality is freeing. Freeing my conscience from desperation. Freeing my hands, freeing my life, these experiences. leaving them open for the real deal Bacon. The Bacon that I asked for. The Bacon I was Promised. - Just because you are served chicken bacon, my fun and fabulous friend, doesn't mean you have to eat chicken bacon.

Letting go of the broken, the tattered and torn the compromise, saying no to desperately grasping at opportunity and begin to desperately hold on to the promise, to all of the promises. but more importantly to the giver of the promise. To stop allowing the brokenness of life swallow you up - These are the things growth is all about. These are the qualities of women with character, the kind of woman I desire To be. These are the people who Get it. These are the people who don't eat chicken bacon. because seriously, if you eat chicken bacon I H A V E assume you are a communist.

Eventually, My time Will come. Just like Joseph. Just like Daniel. Just Like You. beautifully patient You.

Until then I, and i hope you will join me, will continue to patiently wait - Because while I'm not content with being home. in this experience. in this season. - I want to always be content being with Him. Because all I ever wanna do is love Him for who He is to me…not what He does for me. Because loving him for who he is gives me the courage to stand in Who I am, what i am, why I am - without apologies or compromise.

#WeAreNotEatingChickenBacon2014