sometimes you get so excited you snatch a random ladies wig off of her head....

Yes, this happened.
 to me. In real life.
Sitting in the arena as a soul filled songstress sang her heart and soul out, left it on the stage and satisfied my being, I got so excited I [accidentally] Snatched a ladies wig off her head.
I raised my hands, I put them down.
and until I felt the tap on my knee and the mortified whisper of "can you hand me my hair" I had no clue it happened.

And through the uncontrollably gut wrenching barely breathing laughter,and the realization these these are words no human should ever have to utter, Jesus whispered into my heart a message of self love and acceptance.... because no one can snatch we He has given...

and with this subtle, inadvertent message Locked deep inside my heart I took to Mtv. and VH1. and Bravo. and the style network. and tried to enjoy me weekend until I realized we have been doing this all wrong.
I have been doing this life all wrong.

Our greatest err, is when we look to people for what they are teaching us, as opposed to what we can learn from them.

It's not their job to teach us, and guide us and mold us.
We are not to put our trust in them, because if we rely on people to teach us, and guide us and mold us, they will fail us. every time. we will fail them every time....
Just a lot of failing would happen.

and it just isn't fair, to us, to them, to those.

I can't judge that lady for wearing a wig. I can't tell her that she is sending the wrong message to young black women. I can't take a single look at her and assume I know her story, assume that she is hiding under a wig. All I can do Is apologize for snatching her wig off, and allow Jesus to do the work that he is doing. Today, I am going to break down the fourth wall of appropriation and instead of looking to people for what they can teach me through the box that is my life and values and ideals, I am going to look to God and through his eyes see what he is showing me to learn through them.

because it is better to take refuge in the lord than to put your trust in man;it is better to take refuge in the lords then to put your trust in princes.

tis all.


P.s.: Please head over to My dearest darling Rae's Blog and read her heart on Miley Cyrus and the VMA show, because it is bold and brilliant  and real and all the yesses and amens.

Because Psalms 84.11 is a thing....

and sometimes we need to be reminded of it.

This Photo is property of Juliannamorlet.com || @JuliannaMorlet

because sometimes patience turns painful and faith becomes fleeting and hope just hurts. because God is the master of giving questions as answers. because trust in who he is more than what he does will be, at some point, the plight of every man. because no matter who you are or where you are or how you are or why you are, you and I, are one and united in spirit and in truth and we need to be reminded that:

'The Lord is a sun and a sheild. and he bestows favor and honor. no good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.'

This life isn't forever.
and through the muck of displeasure that life on earth offers.
Jesus isn't waiting until it's over for it to be over.
make sense?
be encouraged babes.


always the best,
Jes

The untitled Jesi Rae Project...

I don't talk about him much. or at all really. he may come up in a brief and vapid conversation but thats about it. I never talked to jesus about him either, I mean of course Jesus knows about him, but Jesus and I have never had.... That Talk.

I am partly ashamed of him, partly afraid of him and partly annoyed that whenever he comes up his predecessor  makes a rather dapper appearance in my dreams for the weeks ahead, my fear locking me in a time warp of confusion and longing because all though I have said Good bye to Mr. Colson, he still checks up on me and well.... you know how that Goes.

I just cant bring myself to talk about him, proudly and honestly.

I don't even understand the big deal. why can't people know about him? why haven't Jesus and I had this talk?  after all Jesus knows him better than I do a
so what is the big deal?

It's probably this elitist lie satan has been feeding me all my life. Telling me that if I want what everyone else wants/has then i am not special and if all these amazing people in the world want the same thing as i do, then whats so special about me that God will see fit to give it to me?

Nothing. 

and so i keep him hidden .
between the pages of my journals. and in my mind and heart , my fantasies my dreams.
I keep him hidden because if i admit he exists, that means admitting that I am just like everyone else.
That all I want to be is happy.
that all I want to do is share my life with someone.
that all I want is to be in love.
Admitting he exists means letting go forever of the elitism that gave me so much value and worth in my years prior. admitting he exists means giving the last mosal of my life to Jesus. admitting he exists means I totally surrender.

and so because he is apart of my forever. because I cant keep him hidden any longer and don't want to keep him hidden I admit he exist.
I present to you:

My Husband. That I have yet to meet.

(I didn't say "future" because he is already my husband and I am already his wife. God designed us for each other and with every step, thought action I take now will influence the wife I will be when we do meet. does that make sense?)

already I feel like I know him.
because we share a heart, a soul, and a love for top gun style hi fives.
and while I have not seen him I know he has a killer smile and warm [Green] eyes and a face radiating with light and love and life because he is saturated in and dripping with the love of Jesus.

and I don't care if I sound crazy, or lonely or desperate...... or crazy.
I am no longer ashamed of him. I am no longer scared of him.
He is mY dream, my big, huge, ultimate dream and I cannot wait until we manifest before god and his people.

xoxo

My prayer was answered. but I'm not excited.

As a matter of fact , as far as I am concerned Jesus can have his piggy back blessing back.
Because that's always the way it goes. Someone else comes through for me, and that always comes with a catch.

Yet, I am supposed to thank Jesus. *You Good....*

And while my prayers are [Technically] answered they never feel like it.

But isn't that the sentiment?
 Jesus didn't XYZ.
Soandso did.

Why do I credit other things when even those things are held together through and by Jesus?

Yet the sentiment remains.
Jesi didn't XYZ.
soandso did.

What does an answered prayer, a Jesus coming through moment even look like, and why have I yet to see one?

e.iv || thafourth

For me, it's my obsession with stories. Good stories. Exciting stories. Mind blowing, beyond belief plot twists and cliffhangers. Stories so intense they lock a listener under your spell and allow you for a moment to control their world.

and as much as I avoid admitting it, I would much rather tell a story than hear a story. Don't get me wrong. I love to hear stories. to connect and learn and grow from stories. to look deep into the eyes of the story teller and let them know that I hear them. I love them. I understand them. but more than hearing and listening and connecting. I love telling stories. I feel worth something. I feel the most valuable. I feel the most impotant. I feel the most loved. I feel like I am doing something right when I have a good story to tell. I feel connected to God. I feel like he likes me, not obligatorily loves me, when I have Good story to tell.

The sentiment of unanswered prayers, the constant seeking of a Jesus come through moment lies in my desire to have a good story. And while there are many reasons behind this, the root, the honest. the real. is....
I want my prayers answered a certain way so that I could have a good story to tell so that people(and even myself) will think I am a better christian than I actually am. That Jesus loves and likes me a little more than you. 

I want my prayers answered a certain way because with a good story I feel superior.

While, my love for stories is a good thing. It's like minded of my creator. It connects me to his children and allows me to showcase his love. I must always remember my storytelling has to and is designed to direct people to God and God alone. It's not about me or my feelings. I should feel most valuable and most loved in the presence of God and nothing more.

And so today I choose to saturate myself, in his promise, in his presence, in his love. I choose to ignore my insecurities and continue in this never ending, thrill intense adventure. Today I choose to keep my head held high and my faith wrapped tightly in my hand like that child with the hard candy.

My prayers have been answered. Today, I choose to be excited.

xoxo

Punch Fear in the Face....

 I love my pretty blog space.
funfabSAVED is my heart, my hope, my fears, my brainchild, every dream and desire, hope, failure and victory manifested into one pretty space.
and oh how lucky and blessed am I that I get to share it with you. to hear from you and learn from you and grow from you.
And while, I am madly in love and blessed beyond belief through my pretty blog space there has been a lacking. A need. an emptiness.

Testosterone.
 I love you girls and I love myself but boy do we need a little meat.
Thankfully my darling friend and fellow blogger has agreed to share a piece of his heart with us today.

What is your biggest fear in life? Is it the fear of losing a loved one? Is it the fear of not seeing another morning? Or is it the fear of losing all your life’s work? Could it be the fear of being diagnosed with some terminal illness? My fear is the fear of not being good enough.

I fear I would not be good enough for (effective) ministry, not because of things I have done, but because of things I haven’t done. I read a book or an article, and I fear I would never be good enough to come up with something like that. I have a conversation with a guy and I fear I would never be good enough to become like him. I even fear I would not be good enough to be the man my wife would want me to be, and the father my children would want to have, one day.

And it all began in 2011. I was 18 years old. I was awaiting my results to enter into the university. My results came… and they were BAD. My results were so bad, as per the educational system in my country, I wasn’t going to gain admission into any university. It was like life had been sucked out of me in one swift motion; I was only existing, with no defined purpose. Then came the questions. And then the rumors. And the nights when I’d lay in bed, away from the eyes of the world and cry myself to sleep. The prayer sessions where I only kept asking God questions: How did I become such a spectacular failure? So for all of my hard work and promise, I couldn’t even do well to be offered a course in the university, if only to reject it because I didn’t like it? I am not as good as I thought. I am not good enough. And I believed it. Secretly. How else was I to explain what had happened?

Today, two years on, I have made some giant strides in my bid to beat this fear of not being good enough. I know that whether or not we are prepared for it, life happens. But when life happens, God happens.

I come from a long line of greatness (and so do you). Check out Hebrews 11. Some of these guys subdued Kingdoms, wrought righteousness, shut the mouths of lions, escaped death by the edge of the sword, waxed valiant in fight and put whole armies to flight. How rad is that? Yet, even these triumphant heroes had a sense of smallness about them. There was a piece of some “imaginary” puzzle they thought they’d need to become complete. Moses felt it. Gideon felt it. Jeremiah felt it. Even Peter felt it. And I bet at the end of their lives they realized that it never was about them – just like it never is about me (or you, for that matter). It always has been about God. It always has been about his glory being made manifest in the stories of our lives. He gives us His grace to complement our weakness. And indeed, His grace makes us good enough – for anything.

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)


to read more from him, and I know you will want to because he is absolutely amazing slide on over to F4BS.com.
Thanks a ton hun!

XOXO

When there is no ram in the thicket and the fourth guy doesn't show up to the furnace.

When you want something so badly, and your pray and hope and keep your faith wrapped tightly in your hand. Sticky and wet like a small child with a fresh piece of hard candy. and like that child. no matter how gross it gets  you hold on tight with all you have. anyone else know that feeling?

e.IV

And nothing happens, or nothing seems to happen. When all you have are question because God isn’t really Good with giving answers but only more questions.  When the Jesus coming through-ness is so few and far between you feel foolish for beliving in the first place. When you feel like being a Christian is nothing more that conditioning mediocrity or worse.... simple brainwashing.

I have been praying and hoping for something and while I knew the possiblility of it not happening was present I certainly hoped that my new found faith in prayer and God’s heart would make this time different. Because every time I bend my knee to open my heart to a vulnerable and honest interaction with God, I hope that every time will be different, that this one time my prayer will be answered. And it never is… yet I keep going back. Why?

One thing I do know is that a week ago.  A month ago and a year ago.

Shattered hope and unanswered prayers would send my head into a spiral of disbelief and confusion so deep that even Neo himself couldn't find a way out of the rabbit hole. and this time it didn't.

e.IV

So maybe that’s just it. 

The growing peace in God’s will.

The growing rest in his sovereignce.

The growing faith  in his heart.

The continuous growth is God's sovereignty manifested.

Maybe that is the ram in the thicket. Maybe that is whats keeping the burning bush from cathing fire. Maybe that is the fourth man in the furnace.

I think that is the point of Life itself. to grow. to chase. to not know. to never arrive but to dive deep in a mild blowing never ending adventure.  because in that adventure we are ever growing. within ourselves and towards God. 

xoxo

When human abilities end...

The path is made clear for supernatural phenomenons.<
However, those super natural phenoms may not look so spectacular all the time.

This past week my heart has a desire and unlike ever before in my life, I have prayed in earnest consistent faith.

I have learned the difference between daily pouring my heart out to God and begging. I have learned the difference between holding faith in God's heart and what God can do. I have learned the difference between apathetic compliance when things dont go as I wished and resting in God's heart, wisdom and soveriegnce.

Where my human abilities ended, when I never thought i'd see the day when prayer makes sense and even brings me joy,  God has opened my eyes to supernatural phenomenons of growth.
And while, I am still in limbo as to if God will give me the desire of my heart in a miraculous surprise of rams in thickets, burn free fires,and what not, I rest easy in knowing  that, I dont need to see miracles because I am the miracle and I will forever be exactly where God wants me.

xoxo

The one thing that keeps me going and coming back and never letting go.

I hate it here. Im so stinking homesick. Literally and figuratively.  I am Homesick for my home and friends and car and bed in Alabama.

I am homesick for my heavenly home. With each passing day, and experience the sin problem becomes more real and I long for  the day when Jesus comes to rescue us. However I don't let homesickness get me down. I keep going, I always come back and I never let go because I know he will  rescue us, and soon, because he promised.