My prayer was answered. but I'm not excited.

As a matter of fact , as far as I am concerned Jesus can have his piggy back blessing back.
Because that's always the way it goes. Someone else comes through for me, and that always comes with a catch.

Yet, I am supposed to thank Jesus. *You Good....*

And while my prayers are [Technically] answered they never feel like it.

But isn't that the sentiment?
 Jesus didn't XYZ.
Soandso did.

Why do I credit other things when even those things are held together through and by Jesus?

Yet the sentiment remains.
Jesi didn't XYZ.
soandso did.

What does an answered prayer, a Jesus coming through moment even look like, and why have I yet to see one?

e.iv || thafourth

For me, it's my obsession with stories. Good stories. Exciting stories. Mind blowing, beyond belief plot twists and cliffhangers. Stories so intense they lock a listener under your spell and allow you for a moment to control their world.

and as much as I avoid admitting it, I would much rather tell a story than hear a story. Don't get me wrong. I love to hear stories. to connect and learn and grow from stories. to look deep into the eyes of the story teller and let them know that I hear them. I love them. I understand them. but more than hearing and listening and connecting. I love telling stories. I feel worth something. I feel the most valuable. I feel the most impotant. I feel the most loved. I feel like I am doing something right when I have a good story to tell. I feel connected to God. I feel like he likes me, not obligatorily loves me, when I have Good story to tell.

The sentiment of unanswered prayers, the constant seeking of a Jesus come through moment lies in my desire to have a good story. And while there are many reasons behind this, the root, the honest. the real. is....
I want my prayers answered a certain way so that I could have a good story to tell so that people(and even myself) will think I am a better christian than I actually am. That Jesus loves and likes me a little more than you. 

I want my prayers answered a certain way because with a good story I feel superior.

While, my love for stories is a good thing. It's like minded of my creator. It connects me to his children and allows me to showcase his love. I must always remember my storytelling has to and is designed to direct people to God and God alone. It's not about me or my feelings. I should feel most valuable and most loved in the presence of God and nothing more.

And so today I choose to saturate myself, in his promise, in his presence, in his love. I choose to ignore my insecurities and continue in this never ending, thrill intense adventure. Today I choose to keep my head held high and my faith wrapped tightly in my hand like that child with the hard candy.

My prayers have been answered. Today, I choose to be excited.

xoxo