.The feminist Reformation.

A page from my journal. My attempts to sort out my head and heart and desires. So many questions; so few answers. Essentially this is just me thinking aloud.

I am woman, hear me roar!

What did single women do before the feminist movement?

How many women are out here chasing a career because thats their "only option"?

What kind of life is that?

As women our truest nature is to nurture, how can we be fully satisfied and complete when all of our energy is going towards provision?

I don't care about a career, I wasn't designed to be a "career woman". 

As a human being I feel as though I have cultivated enough skill and know how to survive, I also have retained a healthy thirst and ability to learn to survive, but I don't want to survive, I want to live and give and nurture and be fulfilled by my truest nature, however it has almost became taboo for a womans biggest/primary goal is to be a wife and/or a mother.

We are teaching our girls that was HAVE to do/have/be something outside of our family, and that being dependent on a husband is unacceptable, but isn't that how God designed it ? A heiarchy in the family system?  However, because so few people, men and woman alike, are connected to God, has the family lost it's structure?

It kind of feels like the preceding generations are to blame, because marriages fall apart to quickly and so often, no one is suggesting that as a way of living.

I can appreciate the feminist movement, giving women equal rights and abilities to choose and opportunities to be their true selves.

However, I often find myself wondering: has Feminism taken away more freedom that it intended to give?

Desperate Times...

I often explain my testimony as an "everything changed yet nothing has changed" kind of experience.

Like, I went from trying to kill myself to happily and relentlessly chasing my dreams without any major occurrence or grand gesture, other than the fact that Jesus came in and rewired some things, 

I was literally an overnight transformation.

I've always felt that this was my situation so that I wouldn't be able to take credit or give credit to anyone and anything other than God,

But here we are two years (technically 7) later and things still haven't changed.

I mean yea, I see a change and a growth in my character and my personality and my relationships with God as well as others, however there is still a very deep lacking for the things that I truly want and have been wanting for as long as I can remember. My situation and circumstance has been the same for two years. (technically 7).

I just don't understand, WHAT GIVES?

I realized that my life and the way that God has designed it with this "nothing changed yet everything changed" kind of testimony is teaching more than to give credit to God and God alone, it is also and more importantly teaching me how to be persistent without being desperate.

It's human nature, when you want something so deeply and for so long, our morals and values and expectations begin to sink and we end up settling for less than because we feel that something is better than nothing.

However, that isn't how God wants us living our lives, He is a King and we are his royalty, He wants nothing but the absolute best for us.

Desperately holding on to a promise is not that same as desperately accepting whatever is thrown our way.

A promise from God is worth more than anything life can offer us.

I know it seems like you've been waiting forever, but don't be desperate.

That's never a good look.

tis all.

xoxo

.Life's Theories.

I have this theory.

it's kind of hard to explain, but not really.

It's this Give and take theory.

We can't have everything.

If we get something, from big things to the tiniest of things, we have to give something.

I have tried to talk myself out of this way of thinking, my peer and mentors have tried to talk me out of this mentality, but guys I just can't shake it.

Everything, everything comes with a price. No one has everything.

Silly, random edits. just for fun.

before you Jesus Juke me. I got you covered.
"Jesus paid it all" Jesus is all you need" "Jesus is everything"

I think I may have figured out why this theory rings so much truth that I can't shake it. 

For a group of people who base all the merit of their beliefs on the gospel of Jesus Christ we sure do forget it.

There has to be room for wanting in our lives, because there needs to be a reminder that this life is not all that is being offered to us, there needs to be a dissatisfaction because we need not get comfortable on this sin cursed earth.

Jesus has a plan for us, to cleanse the earth, and restore it and us back to his original design. If we had everything we want and need and could ask for and dream of, what then would create the urgency needed to saturate our lives in Christ.

I have found that no matter how GREAT my life is, there is always a wanting for something. Not necessarily tangible and i think that wanting and that fact that no one gets everything is placed inside of us to keep our minds and hearts in hope for something more.

Rev 21 <---- go read it.

xoxo

I have this theory.

I only call it a theory because it is not biblically verbatim.

It's a kind of bleak and unpopular and to be honest I am a little nervous to share it; However after having a conversation with a friend last night and realizing how large a crapfest her life is and has been, my theory rings large bouts of truth.

Life is a bad place where good things happen;  Not the other way around.

We treat life on earth as a happy place where bad things occasionally happen and we cling to positivity and good vibes and that sort of thing to keep us afloat in dealing with all the mess yet we're are going crazy because it always seems like the more we try the less it's working.

I'm just saying we so you guys don't solo me;)

Life on planet earth since everything began up until 2013 has been an unrelenting series of poop tornados, and that is because life here on earth has been sin cursed. cursed by sin.  So bad things take precedent over good things.

Does that make sense?

Positivity and Good vibes and "putting it in the universe" or whatever will only get us only so far.

The reason it is fruitless is because it's not the antidote to the poison.

Hope is.

Positivity and good vibes v. Hope.

Hope is linked to faith which is linked to peace which is linked to joy which is linked to contentment.

positivity and good vibes are linked to weakness of the spirit which is linked to selfishness(blatant or dormant) which is linked to immaturity.

See the distinction?

Does that make sense?

Today I choose to hold on to the hope that Jesus has given.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

xoxo

.WANTED.

This morning  I found myself asking

'Wth am I doing with this stupid blog?"

I asked because when push comes to shove everything everyone needs to know, every experience anyone needs to relate to, every question anyone needs an answer to is already given in the bible, in the written word of God. 

I realized, how little I am needed in the world.To be completely honest I could be out there minding my own business making real money.

So, what then is my purpose for coming to this blog every  day( well... maybe not every day) to share my heart? Why do I torture myself with what seems to be a consistently unfruitful endeavor?

There really isn't one answer.

Well there really is no answer at all, because the truth is, there is no real purpose.

I am a completely dispensable, not only as a blogger but also as a pawn in this game of life.

I realize this sounds bleak but the fact of the matter is I have no real and substantial purpose.

The only reason I am here, the only reason I do what I do is because God, the creator, the alpha, the omega, God wants me here. Just like I want to and desire to look like Jessica Rabbit. 

Simple as that.

We have got to stop searching for purpose and reason and answers and explanations.

We just accept the fact that we are here because there is a desire for us to be here.

Not for need, not out of obligation, not for duty.

A pure, unadulterated want.

We are here because God wants us here.

WE. ARE. WANTED!

xoxo

.Rescue is Coming.

My sweet broski, Eryam, was so gracious to share his heart on fun.fab.SAVED today and I couldn't be happier. Check his stuff out over at follow4biblestudy.com

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I remember one of my numerous visits to the hospital. My mum left me in the care of this man (who I suppose was the doc’s secretary) as she rushed to grab the results of some tests I had ran earlier. He involved me in pep talk, and before long got around to asking me what I wanted to become in the future. After I answered, he smiled and said, “We all had dreams.” I was pretty young at the time but I noticed the use of had  instead of have.

It took me some time, but I got to know why that man opted to use had  instead of have. It’s so easy to get disillusioned in life, particularly when you are chasing hard after your dreams. I bet until the kite was made to fly, it wasn’t aware of the winds of opposition that were blowing all along. It happens to a lot of us; with great zeal and enthusiasm, you chase after a dream. When we come up against wave after wave of opposition to the dream, we give up. Usually the last bit that causes us to resign ourselves to whatever fate life brings, is when we experience the pain of watching our dreams crumble right before our eyes, even after we’ve given our all.

With all the hurt and pain and disappointments and loss and in today’s world, don’t you also long for that time when we’d be in a place where there shall be no more pain and hurt (Rev 21.4)?

Do you love fairy tales? I do. In every fairy tale, there is a Prince Charming who rides in on a horse to rescue Princess Beauty from the enchanted castle. In as much as ours is not a fairy tale, our King will one day ride on the clouds to rescue us from the “enchanted castle” of life. The disappointment of broken promises, hurt of loss and the pain of shattered dreams are the “wicked witch’s” attempt to prevent us from keeping hope and looking out for our Prince Charming. Throw in the recent major news headlines, and a picture of gloom wouldn’t be far away from the truth.

In Luke 21:28, Jesus says “so when all these things begin to happen, stand and look up, for your salvation draws near.” I don’t think Rapunzel would have been seen by the Prince if she hadn’t been sitting by the window when her Prince Charming came passing. Here’s the moral; in as much as life keeps getting tougher, we need to keep our fingers crossed. For every setback, let’s “look up” – redemption is coming. Rescue will soon be here. In yet a little while, we shall be changed. We will be off to that place where disappointment and hurt and pain and tears and loss will be things of the past (Rev. 21:4).

Princes only rescue those who are deemed worthy of rescue. For our King, only those whose garments remain white are deemed worthy of rescue (Eccl. 9:8). So even as we chase our dreams in life and encounter pain and hurt and loss in the process, let’s not forget about that soon coming rescue. 

May showers.

It is may 6.

It is cold.

it is raining.

my heats' been running for about a week.

It's so unseasonable. is that even a word?

The season is out of character.

There is no vivid spiritual implications here, Im just saying.

it's too cold to be may .

OK, im kidding. There is a spiritual implication.

When I was 19 years old, I had a conversation with my older sister that didn't makes much sense to me until a couple of weeks ago. I am 22 btw.

The conversation with my sister did not fit the character of Jesi Rae: Season 19.

(been watching too much tv.)

 I didn't understand the importance and impact of the conversation because it wasn't meant for me to understand.

However in God's perfect timing, things soon became clear.

If things  in your life aren't making much sense to you right now, hold on. don't uproot. Bloom where you are planted and when it's time you will be ripe for the picking.

Can you tell I don't know much about gardening!

XOXO

p.s.: I haven't forgotten the Certified Fab Challenge we will resume in June!