Life's Best Unkept Secret.

It's only ever happened to me a few times in my life.
Which is kind of sad; it's something I honestly struggle with because of this giant brain of mine
but I am grateful for those few times. it opened my eyes and my mind and my heart to what is possible.

e.IV || @thafourth

Gratitude.
and not the cute-sy kind we often fake because it's been ironed & pressed deep into our psyche from birth to have an "attitude of gratitude".

I am talking, earth shattering, core shaking, mind blowing, When thank you just isn't enough and you just feel like you need to do something, A N Y T H I N G, to repay the favor, but you know deep within the depths of your soul nothing will ever suffice. The Gradutide where you just cannont fathom how you cannont fathom what you did to ever deserve this kind of kindness. The kind of graditude where you know beyond know without a shadow of a doubt that you did absolutely nothing to deserve such gifts. The kind of graditude that almost brings tears to your eyes. The kind of graditude that makes you shake, literally. The kind of graditude that makes you wanna crawl out of your skin and peer behind the supernatural curtain to find out what's REALLY going on. When you aren't suspicious about anything just floored that you were the recipient of such a massive blessing.(no matter the size) The kind where your faith is restored. The kind where in those few moments your hope is stronger than ever. The kind of gratitude where everything, in that moment, is just OK!

Honest. Real. True.
Gratitude.

It's only ever happened to me a few times in my life.
Which is kind of sad,  but I am determined to change, to shift my perspective, to open my heart,
While I am grateful for those few times, I want this shattering, shaking, shifting occurrence to happen every day between me and the one who holds my heart.

And not in the cute-sy kind of way I always  sometimes fake because it's been iron pressed deep into my psyche from birth to have an "attitude of gratitude".

From now until Forever I will chase.
the real. 
the honest. 
the true.
Gratitude.