Prayer, Faith, Foolishness.

A FB friend posted this the other day. 

It hit me in my core, because this is my hearts biggest problem. I never have problems believing if God can, I always doubt if he will, because he never does. And if he does, there is ALWAYS a catch.

Seriously I could go down the list of times I think God did, but there was a catch proving he really didn't.

For example: When I first discovered Jamie-Grace I became borderline obsessed(I still am, just a lil bit. lol. that girl is all kinds of amazing. HEY JG!)... So I went to iTunes, with ZERO money, said a prayer, and voila! Jamie-Grace's EP was all mine. 

In those moments of victory I scolded myself for doubting God. Money is a minor detail Jes, in the hands of the creator of the universe, money is a minor detail.

Two days later, I needed to download something from Itunes, for free, and couldn't.

"There was a problem with your previous purchase, Check billing info"

At first I thought, i just needed to reenter my card info because technology is stupid. Turns out the little prayerful miracle was a glitch in the system and now I owe Itunes money, therefore the apps and videos that I need, and could have gotten for free will now cost me the price of a JG EP. A price that I was certain was divinely handled.

"There was a problem with your previous purchase, Check billing info"

These words still haunt me and my iTunes to this day.

How could I have been so foolish, you need money to buy things. Duh.

This story, like many others thwarted my perception of prayer, so much so, I stopped believing it was necessary.

I mean, I could talk to God, because even though he played me he is still my best friend. Things that have to do with my overall salvation were cool to trust Him with, because He did save me from myself. However, small prayers and daily providence were things he just could not be trusted with. 

This small blip caused massive amounts of paranoia and placed me back on the fence. Coincidence and fate became my God.

Until one day, sunday to be exact, God poured into me such a heavy truth, that you'll have to wait till tomorrow to read about it.  

;)