.With God, Eventually.

Patience. Chasing. Waiting. Trusting. leaning. searching. reveling.

That's what I'm being told chasing God and chasing dreams is all about.

To be honest, these sound exciting and fun.

If you hold on to your patience, boldly chase, humbly wait and full heartedly trust. You Will Honor God and he will give you the desires of your heart.

That's what I am told.

All I hear is: Eventually.

I Should be ecstatic, that I even have a dream to chase to begin with, but I'm honestly not. Don't Get me wrong I am quite pleased, but meh. It's not a surprise.

I mean, I have been asking for a dream since I was 14, and it was Eventually revealed to me when I was 21.

What took so long? 

I do not know, all I know is 'with God, all things are possible, Eventually.'

I read stories about people reaching their dreams after an allotted amount of time.

All I really see is eventually.

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Being haunted by such a underwhelming, lackluster Term feels almost like freezing to death.

Yes, Chasing my dreams feels like I am Freezing to death.

A very slow numbing has over taken me, and instead of fighting to stay alive, I am giving in to the sensation and just letting nature take it's course.

Maybe Eventually has beaten me so deep into defeat, that I'm ready to give up but I know I've come to far to do so. It's not really apathy, it's more like an unnatural calm.

Maybe this is the unglamorous side of taking on the yoke and burden of Jesus.

(matt. 11:28-30)

As I grow Numb, and succumb to eventually, I care a lot less about the outcome, and just rest in the fact that I am no longer my own problem.

Maybe the easy yoke and lightened burden of Jesus means that it will be bad, but it won't feel bad.

Maybe Eventually isn't haunting me, Maybe eventually is saving me.

I do not know.

All I know is: the sufferings of this present time are nothing compared to the place that no Eye has seen, ear has heard nor heart has imagined.
(romans 8.18/1corinthians 2.9)

I know that the enemy will be destroyed, and I will spend my forever with my best friend. Eventually;)