Since the sneak peek release of the title and cover art of my new Ebook from my 'I fail at Everything' series I have been very apprehensive to finish the book.
Mainly because there was this weird secret that wasn't really a secret looming over my head.
The book, in it's purest form, is a tale about a young girl who tried to give herself an eating disorder but quickly lost control over her bowels so she failed and never successfully contracted said ED she so desired.
The apprehension to finish the story was the realization that she, (ok, I.. the book is about me.. obvs)... I realized that I actually did give myself an eating disorder and I haven't been "treated" for it, because I haven't ever admitted to having said disorder because let's face it with all my curvaceous wonder I am still a chunk monster and people wouldn't believe or receive my experience.(oh oxygen, you could really capitalize off of this reality, also I need some because that was a major run on sentence)
How could I so passionately promote and advocate health and shed light on a part of my experience where I am only telling half the story. the good part, the funny part. the part that everyone would appreciate, the part the seems like I am baring my soul but I wouldn't have to actually bare my soul.
This Morning, I returned to the place where it all started; the cold room where the ugly dark thoughts about my body and my life first began. In a desperate and much needed attempt to get away from home for a while, I retuned to the place where I first began my downward spiral.
I like to think that God pressed the reset button and is now allowing me to gain redemption on a journey I didn't know I was traveling.
Today I learned:
Sometimes you just need to get away, because sometimes getting away will lead you home.
As for the book, It's still happening. It will be very raw, very real, very honest.
Jesus wouldn't have it any other way.
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