existential ramblings of a dead dreamer. + end of an Era.

Would I be the person I am today had my dreams come to fruition 2 years ago?

Absolutely not.

because the person I am today was born, sculpted and structured around the pain, and rejection and disappointment of my vigorously, tenacious and unfruitful dream chasing.

Is the person I am today, better that the person I once was?

It's hard to say, as i don't think i have really changed, just evolved.

its hard to say, as I'm not sure by whose standards I am living.

it's hard to say, as I'm not sure of anything anymore.

All I know is I liked me then and I like me now.

[Somewhere deep in the back woods of Alabama, lies my hope.]

Its a hard skin to shed, the one that you were born into, the one that molded who you are, created within you every though, action and desire, the one that cocooned you throughout your whole life.

as a person who was once such a devout christian, living fully and wholly in christ, having Jesus as the end all be all, it's an odd feeling to.... not anymore.

That was my identity, who I was through and through and now it is no longer me and I don't know who I am, but I know who I am not, and it is that girl. the girl I once was.

So the questions remain.

AM I better person now than I was before? by whose standards?

how many more times am I going to have to go through this?

changing. evolving. growing. shedding?

What is the end game here?

Namaste.