A page from my journal: iPad edition.

Yesterday, I made very clear my disdain for prayer. I talked about how jesus played my life, and how I allowed coincidence and fate to be my God.

You can read part 1 Here.

This past sunday God opened my eyes to my issues, all of them, so here is a page from my journal, as real and unfiltered as it gets.

Click picture to enlarge or here for plain text.

I read over this. Rolled my eyes and proceeded to watch 30Rock on Netflix...
This isn't what I signed up for. I signed up for wisdom and power, and rest, and confidence and miracles, oh boy did i sign up for miracles! I didn't sign up to be completely powerless, and constantly feeling hopeless. I sure as heck didn't sign up for feeling foolish all. the. time. I despise the feeling of being so completely out of control, that I am miserable. I didn't ask to be born, I'd much rather be... not born. I have so little confidence in God but have come to realize that he literally holds my life in his hands. *sigh*

He literally holds my life in his hands. 

We hear this and say this so much that we become desensitized, to the reality of what this means. 

It hit me like a ton of cedar blocks.

I finally figured out my problem with prayer, I figured out everyone's problem with everything.

Seriously, I might have brought light to the greatest fallacy plaguing, not only our generation but the body of christ as a whole.

The end.

signed, Jesi Rae, Esquire.

Lol! Gotcha!

For the conclusion to this inadvertent series tune in monday!

Come By tomorrow for the Grand Opening of the Certified Fabulous Web Gallery, and join the party that will commence due to the gallery opening. 

Prayer, Faith, Foolishness.

A FB friend posted this the other day. 

It hit me in my core, because this is my hearts biggest problem. I never have problems believing if God can, I always doubt if he will, because he never does. And if he does, there is ALWAYS a catch.

Seriously I could go down the list of times I think God did, but there was a catch proving he really didn't.

For example: When I first discovered Jamie-Grace I became borderline obsessed(I still am, just a lil bit. lol. that girl is all kinds of amazing. HEY JG!)... So I went to iTunes, with ZERO money, said a prayer, and voila! Jamie-Grace's EP was all mine. 

In those moments of victory I scolded myself for doubting God. Money is a minor detail Jes, in the hands of the creator of the universe, money is a minor detail.

Two days later, I needed to download something from Itunes, for free, and couldn't.

"There was a problem with your previous purchase, Check billing info"

At first I thought, i just needed to reenter my card info because technology is stupid. Turns out the little prayerful miracle was a glitch in the system and now I owe Itunes money, therefore the apps and videos that I need, and could have gotten for free will now cost me the price of a JG EP. A price that I was certain was divinely handled.

"There was a problem with your previous purchase, Check billing info"

These words still haunt me and my iTunes to this day.

How could I have been so foolish, you need money to buy things. Duh.

This story, like many others thwarted my perception of prayer, so much so, I stopped believing it was necessary.

I mean, I could talk to God, because even though he played me he is still my best friend. Things that have to do with my overall salvation were cool to trust Him with, because He did save me from myself. However, small prayers and daily providence were things he just could not be trusted with. 

This small blip caused massive amounts of paranoia and placed me back on the fence. Coincidence and fate became my God.

Until one day, sunday to be exact, God poured into me such a heavy truth, that you'll have to wait till tomorrow to read about it.  

;)

.ALL THE FEELS!(and a Q&A)

I love the bible. I love the stories. I love the lessons. I love the personalities. I love everything about the bible, and I have always been an avid reader, Thus forming a lot of favorite texts. My most consistent favorite is found in 1 Peter 5:10

“…After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal gory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”

For the longest time I didn’t realize this was a process, each verb a process, especially if I resist. It wasn’t something that would all cumulate over night.

I have suffered, felt like more than a “little while”, I have been restored, God is Currently confirming me, First through the words and actions of my very own funfabSAVED teammate(I won't share details, as to spare her embarrassment, it was EXTRA sweet.LOL!) and now through a dear blogging friend, Shaina, through the
Confirmation he is strengthening me and soon he will establish me.

About the confirmation though, last Thursday, My dear darling shai notified me that I was up for a leibster award. I didn’t know what that meant but I wasted no time calling up my team with morning breath and a voice of death to share the news.

Essentially, it is  a way to recognize and bring light to emerging bloggers with this accolade, and help grow readership. I am so grateful to shai for thinking of fun.fab.saved in such a positive light, and to God for sending an angel to personify his promise in 1 peter. I love how God uses even the smallest of things, things that I don't usually advocate to showcase his love. He's so legit, he really does think of everything. I just love him.

So! Let’s get to it!

JesiRae Facts:

1.) Im addicted to lipstick, I basically collect it. Most of them are shades of purple.
2.) I Got my license and bought my car so that i could sing and listen to whatever kind of music i wanted to. I annoyed my mom and my sister, with my music and singing. I was 18 and had little interest in actually driving.
3.)Im a homebody and a travel junkie. I love going out exploring, and I also love sitting at home in my onesie doing nothing. I don't get it either.
4.) I don't like taking showers.
5.) I brush my teeth a minimum of four times a day. Im kind of obsessed with teeth.
6.)If i could, i would live on a raw food diet, i plan on it as soon as i make my own money.
7.)I have a fixation personality. I will like something, become obsessed with it, and once im over it, im over it... forever. That's how i know if something is worthwhile, becasue it surpasses my obsession and lasts.
8.) I knew in 9th grade college was not for me.
9.)I watch pepper ann every morning.
10.)When I was younger  wanted to be a TV judge.
11.) In 11th grade I ran into a wall, split my lip in half, literally, got a concussion, but stayed in school until the day was over. idky. 

Shai's Q's A'd:

1.)Dream vacation? hmmm. scuba diving in the red sea with my [imaginary]husband. the sitting on shore with a Ted Dekker Book.
2)Favorite moment of 2012? Harris III and Jimmy Needham Called me on my birthday. and buying my domain and seeing my site come together.
3.)Favorite Song?  at the moment.... "popular song" by MIKA ft ariana grande
4.)Favorite thing about blogging? Definitely sharing my heart. I can be completely myself, and know that i will connect with at least one person. it's the coolest thing!
5.)Favorite Tv show? "Don't trust the b in apt 23"
6.)Dog or cat? *sigh*
7.)Siblings? 1 older sister. Lawren. Hey sister! || 2 older sisters. Hey shanty, and erica! Love you! (see, i have a heart!)
8.)Personal style? Lazy. accidental grunge.
9.)What am i currently reading? *jesus Juke* Judges.
10.)Describe funfabsaved in one word: Awesome! duh! lol.... seriously though... Unadulterated..
11.)Dream job? A Blogger/vlogger/homemaker(what is this the fifties?)

JesiRae's Noms. (show me where ya noms at. MDK joke. lame. ok. byee.)

- Krysten at every sincerely. She is honest and so encouraging. Like literally everything she says is hopeful. amazing
- Lil Becca at Discovering Delight. Seriously, Lil Becca is the most adorable human alive... like seriously, I wanna be her best friend. (that's not creepy)
- Chelle || writer yogi. Rachelle is like the green in my eye. She is a phenomenal storyteller and she is like a yoga yoda! Is there a better combo?
- Missy at MissIndeedy. Getting to know Missy has become the highlight of my year and she is quickly becoming one of my favorite people. Her writes is such a way that will slap you in the face but make you want to hug her for slapping you. You will glean a lot from her story.
-Jena Jrawkit. She is a poet. Not really a blogger but a writer non the less. She is awesome. you will love her.

 - Chyna Smith: She is a holistic health coach dedicated to helping others be the very best version of themselves possible. Check out her website/blog. Tell her I sent you, and possibly get a FREE consultation! 

JR's Q's for (EVERYONE) to A:

 1.) Super power questions. Duh. If you could have a superpower that isn't flying, reading thoughts, being invisible or teleporting what super power Would you have?
 2.)What album in your iTunes do you consider a timeless classic?3.)Indoors or outdoors: which is your favorite?
4.)What is your go to article of clothing?
5.)When/How did you meet your best fiend?
6.)Do you have any weird/hidden talents? What?
7.)What is one thing you want to learn to do this year?
8.)Which parent are you most like?
9.)Who is your favorite fiction author?
10.)What topic of discussion is most embarrassing for you to talk about?
11.)What is your favorite post on your blog(mine if you don't blog)?

Ok guys. Happy Monday!

<3 ∞